


Change

by Phantje



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (both only in moderation), Alternate Universe - High School, Dan Howell - Freeform, M/M, Phan Fluff, Phil Lester - Freeform, School Trip, Slow Build, pastel!dan, punk!phil, slight bullying, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 44,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantje/pseuds/Phantje
Summary: To avoid bullying Phil decided to become a bully himself, firmly locking away all the caring parts inside him.Dan has to start at a new school for his last year and he isn't thrilled, especially as he is almost immediately confornted with homophobia. The only things that keeps Dan going are his friend PJ and the irritating crush he developed on a very unsuitable candidate, PJ's former best friend Phil Lester. To add to all the complications Dan has to take care to shield his brother from attacks aimed at him. Dan's life is honestly complicated so that even something as simple as a school trip turns out to be nerve-racking.





	1. PHIL'S POV

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, I am back with a CHAPTERED story. :) I'll upload two chapters on Saturdays and Wednesdays (aren't you lot in for a treat?). I hope you enjoy the fluff! Comments and kudos are always more than welcome! <3   
> [Oh and sorry for the long and irritating summary :) ]

PHIL’S POV

Mrs Carter smiled up at him. Mrs Carter always smiled up to him, when she talked to him. Phil had never seen her not smiling even though she probably had reason to, as Phil only ever came to her when he was in for another detention.  
Phil blushed and quickly mumbled something while handing her the detention paper. He couldn’t understand how Mrs Carter was always so friendly with him. He was by far the only student who had to come here on a regular basis. The thing that annoyed Phil most though, was that he kept blushing when Mrs Carter smiled up to him. He wasn’t sure what to think. He was sure that he did not deserve a treatment like that and even if he was glad that sometimes someone was actually smiling at him he could not muster up the courage to smile back.  
Phil sighed the attendance sheet and quickly made his way into the room. There were a bunch of other students, quickly looking away when Phil passed. As he sat down, Phil sighed again silently and wondered when and where this odd behaviour of his school-, sometimes even classmates originated from. It was not that Phil couldn’t understand that people were appealed by his appearance; he goddamn knew that he was wearing black all the time. It was more that he wondered why things were as they were. Phil knew of course but he was once again surprised what a huge effect small things can have in life. Phil sighed and noticed horrified that that had already been the third time in a row. He supressed a fourth one and started scribbling down something on a piece of paper. His mind needed rest.  
At the end of the detention Phil quickly gathered his things and was the first to leave. As he passed Mrs Carter, still sitting at her desk, he briefly thought about wishing her a good afternoon but he supressed the urge as a former bully of his walked closely behind him. He was a former bully who respected Phil now, not on a friendly basis but Phil was no longer attacked by him, as he used to be. While rushing past his former bully Phil suddenly started to remember where his behaviour originated from. The feeling of not wanting this specific person to notice he was there had once dominated his life and it had been the reason why Phil decided he needed to change, in school. Instead of trying to be invisible, which he had found out didn’t work the hard way, Phil started to copy those that cornered him which gave them less of a reason to do so. Phil had started dressing and even behaving like a punk (an early-stage-punk) because of his bullies.  
Phil wondered why he hadn’t thought of that immediately. Actually. He didn’t. Thoughts that had something to do with the nasty time of his life were locked away deep inside his brain, not to be meddled with. It was safer for him to live in the present than try to explain his past.  
Phil hurried over to his bike and was about to drive away when he saw that someone had destroyed the wheels. He groaned. Part of his school persona wanted to plan revenge but the home Phil was strong enough to push that thought away and simply walk home. Funnily enough that was exactly what Phil was going through each day. Okay, not exactly the thing with the wheels but the thing with his personalities. When he left school and turned around the first corner he was suddenly able to smile back at people. He couldn’t understand why his body made such a huge difference between locations. Okay perhaps not only locations because when ‘friends’ visited him back home (which luckily only happened rarely) the home Phil kind of disappeared and school Phil popped up again. He had received several funny looks from his mother for this behaviour but if Phil himself had no clue what exactly was going on he wouldn’t be the one to bother the kindest women on earth with it.  
Phil sighed and quickly walked on. It terrified him that the home Phil was so different from the Phil he was being at school. At school he was surrounded by … he wouldn’t call them nasty but they weren’t polite either. Phil was surrounded by the people he called ‘friends’ who usually didn’t bother too much about having friends. In that group he was the only one who identified as a punk. Okay. Perhaps he did not have the necessary piercings and tattoos but he had earrings and dyed his hair black. Out of all the people at school he was definitely the most punk. At school he wore the same clothes as he wore back home. Well when he arrived back home he always quickly got out of the leather jacket but apart from that everything was the same. And yet Phil’s body managed to make a huge difference between home and school. Phil could have understood the difference more easily if he would have to wear a uniform to school but whether that was fortunate or not, Phil’s school did neither have any uniforms nor too strict dress codes. Phil was left wearing the same clothes on two locations feeling entirely different things while doing so.  
Phil was in his second last year at school. Actually, he could have finished the next year but he couldn’t be bothered. He was retaking the year and tried to cover all the nasty images he had from when he was younger with new and at least slightly better ones he collected daily. Even though the setting of these images was the same Phil had swopped places, he was now on the powerful one and was therefore able to collect memories that were nicer.  
So far Phil managed to do differentiate between school and home just fine. In his head it was always school Phil and never home Phil who had these memories both bad and now slightly better ones. That was sad but Phil tried his best to improve. Once or twice this year he had voluntarily put up his hand in class. His friend Matt had been outraged but Phil did not really care. That was one of the few things Phil actually liked about his school personality: the ability to ignore comments and simply not caring. This was an ability Phil had to sacrifice a lot for. He had lost a lot of his good and caring friends and had to replace them with idiots simply to be out of the aim of the worst bullies at school. Sometimes Phil wondered if escaping stupid comments was worth all the sacrifice. In low moments (like now) he was sure it wasn’t worth it at all.  
Phil sighed and continued his path, not in a rush, simply one foot in front of the other. His mother did not care when he came home. Actually, she probably would if she wouldn’t come home later than Phil no matter if he had detention or not. She knew that Phil wasn’t always paying attention or working hard but she did not know anything about the time Phil had to stay longer simply because he made a relatively rude (or to say it in his teacher’s voice: “Unacceptable!”) comment, was late for classes or pushed a youngster out of the way. He never actually tried to hurt anyone but spending a lot of time with the actual bad boys at school made him behave similarly. When he had been in primary school he had always smiled at people, helped them out and more than once politely stepped out of the way. Whenever school Phil had power over his actions these days were over. Whenever home Phil was in charge a timid smile escaped his lips every now and then.  
Only a few meters left before Phil would turn around a corner and see his house. Just as he turned around the corner he saw the neighbour’s door opening and a boy stepping out. It was his former friend PJ, his ex-best friend so to say. When Phil had decided to take the path which did not include bullies but at the same time no friends either, PJ had been the first he dropped. He felt terrible and still did but PJ in his creative and caring ways was not suitable for a punk-to-be. At least not for the punk-to-be Phil wanted to become.  
Phil decided to ignore PJ and quickly made his way to his home. Sadly PJ had other intentions.  
“Oi!” he shouted. Phil tried his best to ignore him and walked on. “Listen to me, Lester.” PJ shouted and Phil flinched. PJ had never called him only by his last name. He froze and turned over to PJ.  
“Your mum called to ask where you are.” PJ said casually.  
“What did you…?” Phil asked, scared that he would find his mother angry when he stepped through the door.  
“I told her you are working on a project and that you would probably return soon.” PJ said. Phil felt relieved immediately and a tiny smile spread across his lips.  
“Thanks.” He mumbled and walked on, blushing furiously. School Phil’s behaviour towards PJ had been really bad these past years and home Phil was now feeling embarrassed about it.  
“I didn’t think I could talk properly to you.” PJ said quietly. It wasn’t supposed to be audible for Phil so he simply walked on, put the bike next to the house and opened the door.  
“Phil! There you are! PJ told me you had work to do. I’m happy your home. Let’s have some tea, shall we?” his mother asked with a beaming smile.  
“Sure. I’ll just get Martyn.” Phil said absently, faked a smile and hurried up the stairs. He threw his leather jacket away and knocked on his brother’s door, three times, their secret sign for “tea”, walked into his room and collapsed onto the bed. Why did suddenly everything feel so wrong? Phil hadn’t noticed in this extend how wrong school Phil’s behaviour was, it was not acceptable. It was horrible and if he actually always was like this in school… let’s simply say he deserved all the detentions. Phil closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. His deep thoughts whether it was worth living a life of an idiot simply to not be threatened by other idiots were interrupted by a buzzing noise of his phone. He got it out of his pocket and saw that Matt had written him a text: “I’m having chicks for lunch. Come over and we can share!”  
“Fuck off!” Phil said loudly and threw the phone away. That was when he realised that his “friend” Matt was not only the most stupid person on the whole planet but also that the lines of home and school Phil slowly started to get blurry. Phil knew that if he wanted to prevent himself from being an asshole at home he needed to do something, quickly.


	2. DAN'S POV

1 year later

DAN’S POV 

First days at school are always scary. They are scary when you are young, they are scary when you get older but when you are about to start the last year of school at a new one, that is probably the most scary thing any human ever had to endure.  
Dan sighed. Life wasn’t fair. Just as the old school started to accept him and who he was as a person his father got a new job and they were all forced to move houses. His younger brother Adrian had to leave his girlfriend and Dan understood that that was probably hard but nothing was as hard as starting all over again for the last year the government could make you go to school.  
Dan was about to sigh once again as his phone rang. His grandmother called. Dan immediately started smiling and picked up.  
“Sweetheart! Are you alright?” His grandmother asked and Dan could hear how concerned she was.  
“I am actually.” Dan lied.  
“That is so good to hear. I feared you might be down because of all the moving houses. I’m glad to hear that you are fine. And now tell me, what is my favourite Daniel up to?”  
Dan swallowed down a cry of desperation and happily started describing their new house to his grandmother. She was delighted when she heard that his father felt sorry for Dan and had bought an old and probably un-tuned piano.  
“I’m so happy that you can play all day long now. If you don’t take care you end up more famous than me!”  
“More famous than the one and only scrabble champion from 1956? Impossible.” Dan said and funnily enough just this one call with his grandmother lightened up his mood. Of course he was still terribly scared of his first day at school but being here in his room was not too bad.  
After Dan and his grandmother hung up he started unpacking the last bits and pieces, before he called it a day, walked downstairs into the living room and had dinner with his parents. His mother must have sensed that he was feeling anxious about the next day because instead of asking anything about it she shared her memories of the holidays. Dan was happy to forget what he was about to endure the next day for the evening. As he was lying in his bed the thoughts unfortunately came back and he was lying there wondering if it would seem too random if he said he had flew in the morning.  
Dan had always been an easily scared and jumpy person. He was a little shy, easily blossomed up with the right people around him but making the first step was unthinkable for him.  
It’s important to add, that Dan was a little different than other teenage boys. Whereas they spoke about cars (when drunk about girls), smoked and destroyed things Dan was a family person, wore light and sometimes flowery clothes and something that made him stand out even more: he was interested in boys. He liked girls, for sure but he always found himself crushing on people who were far out of his reach and well… boys. Dan himself had always struggled a little to accept this fact but that was nothing compared to others who struggled to accept him. He only hoped that he would somehow be able to blend in. That was the only thing he actually hoped for. Being accepted his a huge and important step but blending in would be enough for Dan, at the moment.  
The next morning Dan woke up before his alarm clock made any sound. Sadly it was not enough time to fall back to sleep so Dan decided to get up, take a shower and have breakfast. He was relaxed up until the point where Adrian came running down the stairs shouting: “Mum where is my uniform?”  
Dan froze and nearly dropped the mug he was holding. He started at his mother who started smiling after she had overcome the shook of Adrian bursting into the kitchen.  
“You won’t need a uniform, darling. The school does not have things like that.” She said and smiled. Dan started breathing once again. He was enormously happy that he would not have to wear anything he didn’t want to. Earlier this morning he had finally made the decision what to wear on his first day and he wouldn’t want all that work being useless. He had chosen light blue jeans and a pastel green jumper. It was summer but summer definitely did not mean hot, at least not in Britain.  
After finishing the cup of tea, Dan and Adrian got up and made their way to school. It was close enough to walk, which Dan was pretty happy about. He did not know why but he was not able to ride a bike without falling over at least once.  
They arrived at school ten minutes later. Dan turned around to Adrian who was looking up to him, worry spread wide across his face.  
“It’s not like we’re going to die.” Dan said and made a silly face. Adrian smiled weakly and the two brothers made their way into the building. First of all Dan accompanied Adrian to his new classroom and then he walked over to his. Midway he suddenly heard screams. They weren’t those horror movie ones but they scared him nevertheless. As Dan saw three boys walking around and pushing younger students he suddenly froze. It would have been him that got knocked over if someone wouldn’t have pulled him away in the last second.  
“Actually, you better not do that. I mean it’s completely up to you if you want to get knocked over but me as an experienced student of this school I would advise you that being invisible is best with these fellas.” The brown-haired boy that probably just about saved his life ranted.  
“Thanks.” Dan said and blushed.  
“Oh. You’re welcome. I’m PJ by the way.”  
“I’m Dan.”  
“You happen to be new here?” PJ asked and smiled warmly.  
“How did you guess?” Dan asked and returned the smile timidly.  
“I’m very wise you know.” PJ said and Dan started smiling properly. “Okay. I have to go to my room now, it’s over there.”  
“Actually I think I have to as well.” Dan said excitedly.  
“Brilliant. Nice jumper by the way.” PJ said. Dan blushed and quickly followed PJ.  
Soon PJ and Dan became the best of friends. They understood each other perfectly and had a similar humour. Dan was even able to tell PJ relatively straight away that he was gay. That was a bit of a surprise for PJ but he took it well and has been supportive ever since. Ever since forming a bond of friendship, PJ was able to help Dan in all the tricky situations, except for one.  
It all started one day when PJ, Dan, Adrian and his friend gathered in the cafeteria to go and eat something. They sat down and started eating when suddenly a boy from Adrian’s grade came over to the table and clearly said out loud, for everyone to hear: “Faggot.” It was addressed at Adrian. Dan would have been mad if it had been addressed at him but with Adrian it was a whole different story. He knew he had to protect his little brother. Before he could actually say something Adrian jumped up and punched the boy square on the nose.  
“Adrian! Stop it!” Dan shouted and got up as well. “It’s not worth hitting him. You shouldn’t take that as an insult!” he added and grabbed Adrian’s hand.  
“Actually he should. Gay people are disgusting!” the boy with the bleeding nose said and dared to grin. Before Dan knew what was happening Adrian had freed himself and placed another punch right on the nose of the other boy. The smiling bastard finally shut up and looked horrified he even made a few wobbly steps back.  
“Adrian!” Dan said scolding. Adrian turned around, hand still hold firm together.  
“I was doing it for you!” he hissed and turned around. Dan suddenly felt really bad. Adrian had wanted to protect him. Sure it wasn’t worth punching other people but it wasn’t fair either that Dan had scolded Adrian for what he was doing, even if he had no idea that Adrian had had in fact some quite noble reasons. That was why Dan quietly accepted the detention coming from a teacher who had been brought to the place but who hadn’t seen the act and therefore had no idea that Adrian and not Dan had placed the punch. Like this it was at least not Adrian that had to suffer from his brave behaviour. Strictly speaking this was the first time PJ wasn’t able to help Dan but Dan didn’t want him to. He was going to pay the price for being a bad brother.  
Later that day Dan found himself in front of a lady called Mrs Carter asking him politely what he was supposed to do. Dan blushed furiously as he told her the story (leaving out Adrian as the one who punched the boy).  
“I see.” Mrs Carter said and smiled apologetically. Dan nodded and wanted to walk into the room. “The hour passes quicker than it might feel like at first.” She said and nodded as if to underline her statement. Dan smiled gratefully and chose a place in the middle of the room. If he would have known that a certain Matt always sat on that chair he certainly would have picked another one but at the time where he was the only one he was painfully ignorant that he might be taken the place of someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The second chapter for today! Leave comments and kudos, if you feel like it! <3 :)


	3. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, chapters three and four! Have fun! <3

PHIL’S POV

“Who is the one watching us?” Phil asked bored while scribbling some formulas into his math book.  
“That homophobic one.” Matt answered and started laughing. Phil smiled forcedly and groaned quietly. From all the annoying teachers at school Mr Jefferson was by far the most horrible one around. His outdated and nasty remarks towards gay people were the worst thing Phil had ever come across. Being a closeted gay, he had to suffer a lot in Mr Jefferson’s classes. Perhaps not as much as if he would be openly gay but still quite a lot. Worst of all was that classes with Mr Jefferson always reminded him that there were a lot homophobic people around and that it was best to stay closeted. Actually not only Mr Jefferson did. Matt did to. He was not as extreme as Mr Jefferson but he certainly did not like gays either. Phil kept quiet around him whenever he was talking about gays, a painful but effective method.  
By the way, for a long time now home Phil hadn’t appeared on screen, neither in school nor at home. Phil’s resolution of taking care that school Phil does not take over did not work out and here he was now sitting in a boring class, staring grumpily out of the window waiting for the first detention, that day. It was a common activity for him and he didn’t even try to cover it up for his mother any longer. School Phil was convinced that she didn’t even like him and even if home Phil had something to say to that, Phil didn’t listen. In fact the home Phil was locked away just like the nasty memories. Phil couldn’t even remember that there had been different times. Times when he had only been friendly, times when he had differed between school and home. Now he was living one boring and annoyed life both in school and back home.   
As the school bell rang Phil got up and followed Matt who was visibly enjoying all the views he got while walking to the detention classroom. Some boys were looking too but mainly girls. Girls seemed to fancy Matt and judging by the cliché bad boy Phil could even kind of understand why. Not that he himself fancied Matt as well. He was his friend or rather distraction. No at the moment there was no one Phil actually fancied, not that Phil would have admitted a crush he had on anyone, life was already complicated enough.  
When Matt and Phil arrived in front of the detention class room Mrs Carter handed them the attendance list they always had to sign. Apart from accepting the list and signing it Matt completely ignored Mrs Carter, like he always did, and walked into the room. Phil was left standing there alone nearly mustering up the courage to smile to the only faithful soul in the whole school as he heard Matt’s angry voice coming out of the room.  
“Damn it! Fuck off. That’s my place!” Matt shouted. Phil hurried into the room and saw a petite boy quickly jumping up, blushing while mumbling something. He was wearing light clothes and he looked younger than him and Matt, which was no surprise considering that Phil had to retake one year.   
“Get your fucking ass away from here!” Matt shouted.  
Phil didn’t know where it came from but he suddenly heard himself saying: “Leave him alone Matt and sit down for fucks sake.”   
Matt spun around and shot a funny glace towards Phil. The young boy simply gawped at him. Before either of the three boys could say something Mr Jefferson walked into the room, closed the door with a bang and stared the boys down until everyone had found a seat.  
“What the fuck man?” whispered Matt towards Phil.  
“Silence!” Mr Jefferson barked and everyone immediately held their breath. Even Phil did. He did not respect Mr Jefferson (even less than he did not respect any other teachers due to the homophobic things he always said) but he certainly did fear that he might start picking on him. While they all waited for Mr Jefferson to give further instructions Phil wished that they would be guarded by another teacher, any other teacher.   
“What are you silly children staring at me! Go ahead and do what you have to do!” Mr Jefferson barked. Phil shook his head. It was always lovely to be titled a “child” from your favourite teacher ever. He would love to just stand up and punch him.  
“Princess. Would you please start working and stop staring at me?” Mr Jefferson asked in a sickly sweet voice. He looked at the new boy with the light clothes and Phil thought: “Actually I might as well do it now.” The punching that is. He shook his head and tried to calm his nerves. After all he was only in this room because he did not control them earlier. It had been a stupid situation and the teacher that happened to be around definitely wasn’t a fan of his. Instead of thinking about Mr Jefferson Phil turned his glance over to the petite boy. He had his bright red head covered in some books. He pretended to be reading. That gave Phil the chance to nonchalantly stare at him. Doing that he noticed that the straight brown hair started to get curly at the end. Phil couldn’t help but think that it looked really cute. He examined the boy’s body and had to realise that everything about the boy seemed petite, delicate and sweet. As the boy slowly raised his head it was Phil’s turn to cover himself with some books.   
After a few minutes Mr Jefferson got up and asked everyone what they were doing. A nasty and noisy habit of him, Phil sadly already was used to. Mr Jefferson always started at the front so Phil being seated at the back of the class room had a bit of time to cover up that he had done nothing except for staring at the cute young boy.   
“May I ask what you are doing?” Mr Jefferson asked in that disgusting sticky voice of his. Phil looked up briefly and saw that he was talking to the cute boy.  
“English. I’m writing an essay. We were told that it should be something linked with human rights.” The boy said and Phil felt a shiver run down his spine. The voice was soft and sounded like honey.   
Phil quickly scribbled down a few words while listening to the boy and Mr Jefferson’s conversation.  
“And what topic did you chose, if I may ask?” Mr Jefferson asked.  
“Of course. I chose to write about gay rights.” Even if it had been remotely silent in the class room before it was dead silent now. No one was writing anything. Everyone simply stared down on their papers, hoping that the situation would not end too badly.   
Phil slowly looked up and the boy’s eyes found him. Phil ever so slightly shook his head before fixing the paper in front of him. The boy’s eyes were the warmest colour Phil had ever seen and one could easily drown in them. But that wasn’t the real problem. That was that the cute boy would most likely not survive the afternoon.   
“And why, if I may ask, did you choose such a ridiculous topic?” Mr Jefferson asked. Phil heard the boy gasping a little before answering: “I know the situation is already a lot better than it was a few years ago but I think we as a nation still have a lot of things to do.”   
Phil groaned internally. Mr Jefferson certainly did not ask the question because he thought the gays already had their rights, he asked because he thought the gays do not deserve any rights.  
“Things certainly did change.” Mr Jefferson said bitterly. Phil really hoped the boy finally understood Mr Jefferson’s attitude towards gays, but no such luck.  
“Exactly but there is still room for improvement if you ask me.” The boy said and Phil looked up just in time to see a genuine smile on the boy’s face. He quickly lowered his face again, the boy was cute but Mr Jefferson certainly had something against cute boys and if they were for gay rights there was a high chance the said cute boy would never get anything but a D from Mr Jefferson. No, that certainly was not supposed to sound like that. Phil shook his head and held his breath, dreading the answer of Mr Jefferson.  
“How about you come here and work each day?” Mr Jefferson asked and his voice probably never sounded more disgusting.   
“Well actually. I’d prefer to work home. But thanks for the offer.” The boy said, still smiling but Phil sensed that he was a little confused. Phil looked up once more and quietly shook his head, not managing to hold back the silent groan. The boy looked his way and his eyes widened. Now he looked like he finally sensed that something was wrong.   
“That was not an offer. That was an order.” Mr Jefferson said. The boy jumped slightly and stared at the teacher with huge eyes.  
“But why?” he asked with a tiny voice.  
“People that support gay rights do not deserve any better. And even less do gays. Now keep quiet and work even though I would highly recommend that you take a different topic no one thinks gays deserve any rights.” Mr Jefferson said with a mean smile. Once again this proved to Phil that it was best to stay closeted.   
“I…” the boy said with a weak voice.  
“Shush. People are trying to work!” Mr Jefferson said. Phil’s stomach made a turn as he heard Matt snickering next to him. Matt had obviously never been his true best friend but this was taking things too far. Matt had no right to laugh about the cute boy and even less about someone that tried to defend equal rights. Phil knew he had to drop Matt and by any chance as quick as possible.   
After detention Phil lingered with Matt in the class room, out of habit, not because he enjoyed Matt’s company that much.   
“What a day.” Phil muttered to himself.  
“I know, only great thing was that faggot being told off!” Matt said and laughed. Matt’s nasty remark towards the cute boy proved Phil he was right in knowing he immediately had to drop matt.   
Instead of answering anything Phil rushed out of the room, over to his bike and left as soon as possible. While slowly rolling down the street Phil saw the cute boy hurrying over a street, visibly trying to leave as quickly as possible.


	4. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Okay, this class had definitely been something else. Mr Jefferson was by far the worst teacher Dan had ever had the misfortune to meet. Just because his faithful little brother had wanted to protect Dan and because Dan wanted to help people like him he had to stay after school for a whole week. What a nice turn of things.  
The worst thing was probably that he had to explain what had happened to his family and PJ. Even if this had been the first encounter with Mr Jefferson Dan would already go as far as saying he hated him. This did not mean that he would like to make a huge scene out of this which involved his parents. He would prefer to keep quiet, sit through the hours of detention and hope that this would be the one and only time that he had to endure Mr Jefferson’s homophobic comments.  
Dan sighed and made his way home. At the end of the road Dan turned around and saw the black-haired boy driving around another corner. Dan still felt weird about him. His friend was probably one of the meanest people Dan had ever met but the black-haired boy seemed friendly and if he remembered correctly he had even told his friend to stop when he had harassed him about the place he had chosen to sit in. Then he had made small gestures to warn him about Mr Jefferson’s behaviour. How was Dan supposed to not feel weird about him.  
At home Dan had to explain the situation he got himself into. He first wanted to leave Adrian out of his story but it turned out that his brother had already told his parents what had happened. They were not too pleased but they were neither too angry, at least not with Dan and Adrian. As Dan told them that he was forced to stay for detention because of the most homophobic teacher ever, they certainly were angry. His mother actually jumped to her feet and Adrian raised his fists once again so that Dan and his father had to hold them both back.  
“It’s certainly not a good situation you got yourself into…” his father began, only to be interrupted by Adrian who made a disapproving sound. “Okay. It’s certainly not a good situation that you got yourself into, with the help of your brother, but I think it would be best if you just do what you are told. If said teacher is ever to make a nasty comment ever again you have to make sure there is someone to listen to it to and then we can actually make something against it. I’m afraid right now there is not much we can do.”  
Dan nodded. His father was right. “I will do it. I can work on my homework. It’s not too bad but it’s not fair to say the least.”  
“It obviously isn’t.” his father agreed and they dropped the topic. There was no need to discuss matters further. Waiting would be the best thing, at least until they had a chance to prove themselves right and if they hadn’t it was good enough to know that this situation was a one of.  
The next day it was PJ’s turn to listen to Dan’s story. He was just as outraged about Mr Jefferson’s behaviour as his family had been. “I knew he was a homophobe but I never thought he would go this far at least not when he wasn’t challenged and out of your little tale I think it’s safe to say that you didn’t challenge him.”  
“If only I had listened to the boy’s signals!” Dan groaned and buried his head in his hands.  
“Which boy?” PJ asked curiously.  
“The tall, black-haired, blue-eyed goodness of a boy.” Dan mumbled and blushed at his own words. He had no idea how far his thoughts had gone about that boy.  
“You are not talking about Lester, are you?” PJ asked and sounded alarmed.  
“Lester?” Dan asked.  
“The bad boy… you know the one I saved you from on your first day?” PJ asked with a small smile, visibly hoping it wasn’t said Lester.  
“That would be the one.” Dan said and blushed.  
“Daniel!” PJ groaned.  
“What?” Dan asked confused and even a little defensive.  
“Don’t get me wrong but anyone, even me, would have been better to have a crush on!” PJ said and shook his head with an apologetic smile.  
“Why? Who is saying that I have a crush on him?” Dan asked and blushed.  
“Your face is.” PJ said matter-of-factly and patted Dan’s arm.  
“And if I actually had a crush on him?” Dan asked, full on defence mode.  
“It pains me to tell you that it would probably be the worst thing you have ever done.” PJ said.  
“Why?” Dan asked, still confused.  
“He truly lives up to the image of the bad boy.” PJ said in a tentative voice.  
“What exactly do you mean by that?” Dan asked. I wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to talk about that Lester boy. One side obviously wanted to know more about him but the other would like to keep the nice image he had from him and ignore the other. It certainly was a nice image to be protected by him, even if it only was a minor act of kindness.  
“Well. He… perhaps not bullies other people but he is certainly not kind. He is by far the one student who had the most detentions. I honestly don’t even know why. He used to be quite nice.” PJ sounded mildly bitter while saying so.  
“You know him?” Dan asked astonished.  
“Everyone does but I did know him quite well a few years ago. He’s my neighbour in fact.” PJ said and smiled with a pained expression.  
“Neighbour?” Dan asked.  
“Yes. But honestly. Phil is not that great. Please let me help you forget him.” PJ begged. Dan nodded slowly, not exactly realising what PJ had just said, he was still caught up in thoughts about the boy, whose name turned out to be Phil and not just Lester. Dan really could be painfully stupid sometimes.  
“Okay. To help you I will point out all the bad things he had done, does and well he might do in the future.” PJ said.  
“Why do you hate him that much?” Dan asked confused.  
“You’ll see.” PJ said. Dan couldn’t believe PJ actually hated Phil. He probably disliked him a lot due to things he had done. If they have been as close a few years ago and now they weren’t bad things must have happened. Bad things that made PJ feel bitter but Dan was sure there was no actual hatred involved.  
For the rest of the day, until Dan had to go to detention PJ spoke about bad things Phil had done. Already with the first few ones Dan sensed that PJ was exaggerating. He wondered why exactly he was doing that. Perhaps he wanted to spare him from something with making everything sound really bad or he simply wasn’t happy about Dan’s thoughts about Phil and wanted to eliminate them as soon as possible. Either way the result of PJ’s constant moaning about Phil’s behaviour was that Dan was really confused. Throughout the day he had caught a glimpse of Phil every now and then and every time he had to admit how unbelievably handsome he was. He was tall and slim. Not too slim though. He had a light skin which was a huge contrast to the dark hair and the light blue eyes. He wore black skinny jeans a dark plaid shirt and a leather jacket. He looked effortless handsome. Dan was pretty jealous because of that but he mainly admired Phil. Sadly whenever Dan saw Phil in the hallway he was always with his idiot friend Matt and he was never smiling. Sometimes when seeing him like that Dan even wondered if the face could smile at all.  
All in all it was safe to say that his thoughts were a mess when he came into the detention class room. He chose the same table he sat on yesterday, a matter of safety and escaping a nasty encounter with Matt (even if Dan couldn’t be sure he would actually be there). He got out the essay he had to write. He obviously did not pay any attention to Mr Jefferson’s advice of choosing another topic. He would stay true to himself. Earlier today he had asked PJ if there were any other homophobic teachers around and if there were if they happen to observe detention that day. Luckily PJ’s answers were all negative so Dan felt safe to start writing down notes on the topic. A good thing about the nasty encounter the day before was that Dan had several arguments pro-gay rights.  
The school bell rang and Dan thought that everyone already had to be there but two minutes later Matt and Phil came through the door. Phil came walking in first, that’s why Dan’s heart made a little jump. This made clear to him that all of PJ’s attempts did not work out. Matt came second and managed to make Dan’s heart freeze instantly.  
Dan quickly lowered his head and continued scribbling. A few seconds later he heard someone clearing their throat. He looked up and saw Matt standing right in front of him.  
“That’s Phil’s place you’re sitting on.” Matt stated. Dan was about to reply something but he bid down his sarcastic comment. He got up grabbed his things. Sadly his pencil case fell on the floor.  
“Faggot.” Matt said and laughed. Dan quickly grabbed all the things with a bright red head and sat down at the far back of the classroom. He heard Matt snickering and buried his head quickly behind some books. He was not sure why Matt thought that dropping things was closely linked with one’s sexuality but by the tales PJ had told him he already knew that one shouldn’t hope to find a logical answer to the things that fell out of Matt’s mouth.  
“Howell, is it?” the teacher asked. Dan looked up and nodded. “May I ask what you are doing in the corner there?” She smiled friendly towards him. “Didn’t you sit right here last time I checked?” she asked. Dan blushed and simply shrugged. “Lester. Howell did sit right there, didn’t he?” the teacher now asked Phil. He only grunted in response. “I thought so. Okay. That’s another detention for you, Lester.”  
Dan jumped slightly. “No. It’s fine. I sat down here… because of the window.” Dan stuttered. The teacher still smiled but she shook her head. Dan lowered his head.  
“Faggot.” Matt said loud enough for everyone to hear. Dan blushed a deep red and tried his best to work on his essay. As you might guess, the atmosphere wasn’t the best to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and kudos! See you on Saturdaywith two new chapters! <3


	5. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The next two chapters! Enjoy! :)

PHIL’S POV

“Lester. It would be nice if you could look on your paper for a change. If you have to you can look at me but please don’t stare… through the classroom.” The teacher said shooting a scolding glance towards Phil. He quickly spun around and looked at his paper. He hadn’t noticed that other people could notice that he was staring at the boy whose last name appeared to be Howell.  
No matter how hard Phil tried to concentrate every now and then he found himself glancing towards the end of the classroom. Today the young boy was wearing a white t-shirt and a grey cardigan. Not that those were news to Phil or that he was looking at him because of what he was wearing. Phil had already seen the younger boy today. It had been in the lunchbreak. He and Matt had been sitting in the corner of the cafeteria. Matt and some girl (whose name Phil sadly forgot) were snogging so Phil had some peace. While he was munching some potatoes he looked through the cafeteria and saw the cute boy sitting at the table, next to him was PJ. Phil shifted a little at that sight. He was not sure what to feel about PJ. All he knew was that it was definitely weird to see them next to each other. For a brief second he even scolded himself for everything that had happened in the past. If he wouldn’t be here sitting next to Matt there was a relatively high chance that he could be sitting next to PJ and the cute boy.  
Throughout the whole lunchbreak Phil stared over to the young boy. Seeing him next to PJ showed him that they were in fact in the same grade. Still in those clothes he looked petite and younger than Phil, which he most likely was nevertheless.  
The fact that Phil had spent his whole lunchbreak staring at the boy made the fact even weirder that he was staring at him once again. To Phil it was not a secret that he thought the boy was cute. But Phil’s behaviour was still weird.  
In the whole hour of detention Phil managed to read one page of the homework he had to do. That was not good and it meant that he had something to do at home. Well if he was actually going to do something at home that is. He usually did some things at detention and didn’t care about the rest. With the young boy on his mind that would probably be the exact same case this day as well.  
Whenever Phil wasn’t thinking about the cute boy he thought about ways he could get rid of Matt. The boy had not even been sitting on his desk. It was not a secret that Matt liked to wind anyone up but this was not funny. It was stupid and those homophobic insults (no one should ever take as an insult) were not necessary. If Phil ever wanted to come to terms with his sexuality he surely needed to drop Matt and distance himself from the bully-ish behaviour. Easier said than done.  
Right after detention Matt hurled him over to the bikes and pointed over to a pretty new one. “That’s Jeremy’s. Let’s destroy it.”  
Before Phil knew what he was doing he found himself ripping open the wheels. Not long ago Jeremy had made a mean comment towards him. Not once did it occur to Phil that Jeremy had only done that to protect his girlfriend. The part of him that used to be able to detect things like that was locked away.  
The next day Matt came running to Phil to tell him that Jeremy had been found crying as he saw the state of his new bike. Phil smiled. It was the same locked away part of him that used to be able to emphasise with other human beings. The part that was left over only had a bunch of feels and all were similar to dislike and revenge.  
Whereas the news of a crying Jeremy seemed to amuse Phil he could not laugh about the second news Matt brought to him. “I know exactly how we can finish that faggot.”  
Phil nearly choked on his drink. “Who?” he asked dumbly and prayed to god that not the cute young boy was in Matt’s aim.  
“You know the one from detention. The pastel idiot?” Matt asked and laughed.  
“Detention?” Phil asked once again, it was obvious that Matt meant the cute boy but playing it dumb could spear Phil the duty of participating.  
“Yes. He’s got brown hair. The one that sat on your desk.” Matt clarified and Phil groaned internally.  
“Oh. You sure he is actually gay?” Phil asked as random as possible.  
“Yes? Have you seen what he wears all the time? Not possible he isn’t gay.” Matt said and Phil did not want to do anything but punch him in the face. All Phil did in reality was nodding slowly and act as uninterested as possible.  
“Okay, you wanna hear my plan?” Matt asked excitedly. Phil grunted and contemplated if killing Matt to prevent the cute boy from getting harmed was a possible way out of this situation. He also wondered why he was thinking so much about the cute boy.  
“Well. Targeting him would be lame and far out of our league so I thought why not harass the faggot’s brother.” Matt looked at Phil as if he actually expected a positive reply from him.  
“Brother?” Phil simply asked. Weirdly enough he liked to hear about the cute boy’s family, not in this context though what good would it be to harass someone’s brother? That there was nothing good in harassing anyone was a thought that did not occur to Phil, yet.  
“Yes. He’s got a younger brother, what about social media?” Matt asked with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Phil started sweating. Harassing the cute boy’s brother was already bad enough if one did it in person but harassing him on the internet was a whole different story. There were consequences for sure.  
“Isn’t the internet a bit too dangerous and big?” Phil asked.  
“Too dangerous and big? What are you? A mouse?” Matt asked and snickered.  
“Shut up, Matt.” Phil hissed and Matt actually shut his mouth. Phil surprised himself sometimes with the level of authority he could show off.  
“Okay. Let’s not do it on the internet. Let’s do it in school. What about some nice little announcements?” Matt asked.  
“Sounds fine to me.” Phil answered. This was a lot less bad than the public stuff. After a while Phil asked: “Why are we doing that again?”  
“Because Howell is a faggot and doesn’t deserve better?” Matt asked and started laughing again. If the school bell would not have rang Phil would have certainly punched Matt in the face like this Matt was spared and Phil left for history classes.  
Throughout the whole day only the thought of detention kept him going. Yes, Phil’s motivation actually was detention. That was obviously not because he enjoyed spending some extra time in school but because detention offered him the possibility to look at the cute boy for a little while longer. So far Phil hadn’t seen him and whatever the reason might be, he waited impatiently to see what he was wearing today or to be more precise, to see his gentle face.  
When school finished Matt raced over to Phil telling him that he would work on the announcements. Phil was actually positively surprised that Matt hadn’t gotten himself some detention, without him the atmosphere was usually better.  
Mrs Carter sat behind her desk, typing something into her computer. As she heard someone approaching, she looked up and greeted Phil with a smile. It always seemed like she hadn’t given up on him yet. A lovely thought but also quite horrible because Phil was sure there was no way out of his situation.  
“Back as usual?” Mrs Carter asked.  
“Seems like it.” Phil said and shrugged. He had to smile as he saw Mrs Carter’s surprised face, she certainly wasn’t used to getting an answer from Phil.  
“Have fun.”  
“I’ll give my best.” Phil said and turned around. As he sat down on his usual place (not the one Matt had chased the cute boy away from) he suddenly realised that this was probably the first real conversation he had had with anyone for a very long time. Quite a lousy achievement, keeping in mind what a simple exchange of words this ‘conversation’ had been.


	6. PHIL'S POV

DAN’S POV

“A whole week?” PJ asked once again. Dan simply nodded and note down the homework they had to do for English classes. “I always knew Mr Jefferson was a dick but I never thought that he…”  
“…that he would do something like that without being challenged, I know.” Dan interrupted him.  
“Exactly. What are you going to do today?” PJ asked invocative.  
“Do my homework, obvs.” Dan said and tried to hide his blush. Sure, he would try to do the homework but he would most likely be distracted by Phil once again.  
The school bell rang and Dan jumped up a little too enthusiastically. PJ shot a weird glance towards him and slowly packed up his things. “I have to tell you something. But don’t freak out.” PJ said as he finished with packing his stuff.  
“Is it serious?” Dan asked scared.  
“Mildly. Okay, listen. There is no point of making a fuss about it now. I heard someone planning something against Adrian.” PJ said seriously. Dan nearly started laughing. This serious behaviour did not fit PJ at all.  
“Who?” he asked and smiled.  
“Matt and Phil.” PJ said irritated, he didn’t expect Dan to take this as easy as he appeared to.  
“Who?” Dan asked, suddenly white like a sheet.  
“Matt and Phil.” PJ repeated carefully. The news had now reached Dan’s mind and being a true friend, PJ knew that one better took care now.  
“No. You must have…” Dan started but PJ shook his head as to say he had wanted it not to be true himself.  
“Listen. I wouldn’t mess with you but I certainly heard Matt and Phil talking about making announcements of Adrian in school.” PJ said in a serious voice.  
“But… What are they going to do?” Dan asked. He was trembling out of fear for Adrian and out of disbelief. He wouldn’t have expected Phil to do anything like that. “Phil… Why are they… Why Adrian?” Dan asked desperately.  
“I’m sorry but I think they might be aiming at you indirectly.” PJ said and patted Dan’s arm. Dan simply nodded slowly, only to shake his head really quick afterwards.  
“That can’t be true. You didn’t get anything wrong?” Dan asked carefully. PJ shook his head and Dan borrowed his in his hands.  
“You know I’m only telling you this because I want to help you, right?” PJ asked anxiously.  
“Of course. Thanks.” Dan said and managed to smile genuinely.  
“I promise you I’ll work something out the second I get home.” PJ said.  
“Thanks. You are a real friend.” Dan said and hugged PJ briefly. “I better get going now or the teacher might add another week of detention for me.”  
Mrs Carter smiled up to Dan as he approached her room. “Hurry.” She said and gestured him to make a move on. He smiled thankfully and quickly walked into the room. With a quiet “Sorry.” Which was nodded off by the teacher Dan sat down. He had chosen his place wisely as it was far enough away from Phil as he wouldn’t be distracted by his good looks. As usually Dan buried his head in some books and pretended long enough to work hard as that he actually managed to do so in the end. It was a weird habit but it usually worked for him. When he threatened to go down the procrastination path he always pretended to work hard until that was too annoying and he actually started working. It was perhaps not the most efficient thing to do but it did its work every now and then.  
For the whole hour of detention Dan found himself either pretending or actually working hard. It was a nice distraction to the worrying thoughts he kept having about Adrian.  
When the school bell rang he jumped visibly. He heard a gentle laugh behind him and turned around curiously. It was Phil that was smiling at him. Well he was rather laughing at him, a fairly less friendly thing to do. Dan quickly turned back and packed his things. As quick as possible he made his way out of the classroom, only to be stopped by Mrs Carter. “Daniel Howell. I need you to have a look through these papers. Your dates have to be confirmed.”  
Dan did not ask why this had to happen right now, he simply supressed a sigh, faked a smile and read through the papers, ticking everything of.  
“Thank you very much.” Mrs Carter said and smiled.  
“No problem.” Dan shrugged. He tried to open up his tired eyes a little so that she did not suspect he wasn’t being genuine.  
“Heads up.” Mrs Carter added with an encouraging smile.  
“Easier said than done.” Dan said miserably.  
“I don’t want to make you but do you want to talk about it?” Mrs Carter asked. Dan wasn’t too sure but as Mrs Carter handed him a cup of tea he found himself sitting down and starting with his story. He described as briefly as possible why he had found himself in detention in the first place. Then he continued with Mr Jefferson. Like PJ did before her, Mrs Carter made clear to Dan that his homophobic behaviour was known but had never been this badly before.  
“And that’s all?” Mrs Carter asked as Dan stopped abruptly after talking about detention in general for a few minutes.  
“Actually. I…” Dan started and kneaded his fingers.  
“This is all confidential and if you don’t want me to do anything then I promise you I won’t.” Mrs Carter once again found the exact right thing to say.  
“Thank you. Well the thing is… My friend told me that some… one wants to hurt my brother. Not physically, I suppose but well it’s all winding me up a little.” Dan blurred out and sighed.  
“Oh. Do you happen to know who exactly is threatening your brother?” Mrs Carter asked.  
“I do but it might be false alarm.” Dan said and tried to brush it off. Mrs Carter could obviously see through it, she put her head on the side and looked at Dan interestedly.  
“You don’t have to tell me…” she started.  
“Phil. It’s Phil and his friend Matt.” Dan blurred out once again and buried his head in his arms.  
“Oh. Just to be careful I would advise that you take that thread seriously. Matt and Phil are known for doing quite bad things and it would not be good to take it all too easily.” Mrs Carter said.  
“I guess you’re right.” Dan mumbled.  
“What else would they pay me for?” Mrs Carter asked and smiled. Dan joined in with the smiling and stood up.  
“Thank you very much for your comfort.” Dan said.  
“Stay safe.” Mrs Carter said and smiled apologetically.  
Dan walked out of school and towards the exit. Today had winded him up quite a lot. He would feel a lot safer and better if he arrived home. Actually he might be pretty anxious there because Adrian was around him and had no idea of the thread. Home would still be better than school.  
Dan clutched the jacket tighter around himself. It was quite windy and autumn wasn’t a season where Dan wanted to be sick. He loved the colours and spending all day in bed would be the opposite of ideal.  
He quickly walked through the gate as he suddenly heard someone calling his name. He stopped and turned around. “Howell!” someone shouted but Dan could not yet see anyone. He squinted his eyes a little and saw a boy standing next to a bike in the shadow of the building. After staring a little Dan noticed that the boy was in fact Phil. He blushed and quickly hurried on. Perhaps he did not want to believe PJ when he had told him that Phil and Matt wanted to hurt him but right now where he was alone it was definitely better to be safe than sorry.  
Dan only got to walk a few meters as he heard the breaks of a bike close to him. He jumped and spun around. Phil was standing there, a faint blush still covering his face. This circumstance made Dan blush as well and he quickly examined his shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3 :) See you on Wednesday! :)


	7. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! :) Have fun and enjoy! <3

PHIL'S POV

He had contemplated whether to do it or not and apparently he had concluded that he wanted to do it, otherwise he surely wouldn’t be standing in front of the cute boy right now.  
The only problem was now that Phil had no idea how to approach the boy now. He wanted to warn him in some way of what Matt was planning to do. The whole way through detention he came to terms that it was stupid to listen to Matt all the time. He had also felt sorry for the cute boy who had worked the whole time and not once looked at him. Perhaps this had only been the third encounter but Phil still sensed that something wasn’t right with the cute boy.  
“How are you?” Phil asked awkwardly.  
“Do I know you?” the cute boy asked and frowned. Phil blushed and focused a spot at the end of the street. He didn’t know why he was behaving this weirdly around the cute boy. Perhaps he simply didn’t imagine him to speak back.  
“Sorry. No. I’m Phil. Phil Lester.” Phil said and wished the ground would hurry and swallow him up.  
“I’m Dan.” The cute boy said. Phil nodded and a small smile spread across his lips.  
“What did you want again?” Dan asked and frowned.  
“Sorry. I only wanted to tell you something.” Dan raised an eyebrow and Phil felt himself go even more uncertain. He couldn’t believe how weird he was behaving and neither did he expect the cute boy to talk this openly.  
“Something that might interest you.” Phil quickly added. Dan waited for Phil to continue so Phil quickly blurred out: “You might want to take care of your brother.”  
Phil saw Dan gasping for air. His eyes grew wide and Phil noticed horrified that Dan no longer looked uninterested but angry.  
“How dare you?” Dan spat and shook his head.  
“I…” Phil started confused but he was interrupted by Dan: “You are planning to hurt my brother and now you pretend to warn me so that I wouldn’t think it was you!”  
“How do you know…?” Phil started but was once again interrupted: “You don’t even deny it?”  
Phil noticed that Dan now sounded more hurt than angry.  
“Matt…” Phil tried but was once again cut off: “Don’t push the responsibility over to your friend. I’ve had enough. Bye, Phil.” And with this Dan simply left Phil standing alone. Phil was mortified. If he expected this conversation to have one specific end he certainly didn’t expect this to happen. He had wanted to truly warn Dan but if he thought he was just lying perhaps he actually deserved the treatment Matt was preparing for him.  
Phil’s thoughts were obviously triggered by bitterness but he decided to ignore that and concentrate on the revenge part. That this would not make him feel good in hindsight was something Phil did not think about. He drove home thinking about what he else he could do and how he could help Matt with his plans. The once locked away part of him managed to escape every now and then to remind him that if he was actually going to harm Dan in any way now he would do the exact same thing Dan had accused him of doing. Phil always pushed those thoughts away. He also pushed away thoughts about how cute Dan was looking. He tried his best to concentrate on the nasty things, such as the ridiculous sweet smile, amazing deep brown eyes and disgustingly cute brown hair. Okay, it was safe to say that Phil did not manage to supress those kinds of thoughts. As he kept having them he grew even more angry and continued thinking about ways to pay it back to Dan.  
He wouldn’t have thought in a lifetime that PJ would be the one to stop him from this nonsense. He had known deep down that it was not right what he was doing but for ages now the part of him that was able to resist was missing.  
When he was about to lose himself in a spiral of dark thoughts he had constructed himself, his mother knocked on his door carefully, announcing that there was someone at the door wanting to speak to him. Phil grunted a “Thanks.” and walked downstairs.  
It was PJ at his front door. He had crossed his arms and stared at Phil. Phil stepped out a little unsecure and PJ kicked shut the door.  
“What the h…?” Phil asked but was interrupted by a hand slapping him.  
Before Phil could say anything PJ shouted: “How dare you? No let me speak! I forbid you to do anything to Dan or a member of his family! If you have to do something against anyone please use Matt or if it has to be me, but leave Dan the fuck alone!”  
“Why are you so interested in him?” Phil asked a little confused and way too forward. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and made good use of the fact that he was taller than PJ.  
“I am his friend for god’s sake! And I won’t have you hurt him. You know, that’s what friends are for! Protecting each other! And if that should not work at least help healing the wounds!” PJ spit. “You leave Dan and Adrian alone or I honestly can’t guarantee for anything. I won’t have another one of my friends destroyed by your hand!” he said.  
“Another friend? Who are you talking about?” Phil asked confused.  
“You! I’m talking about you!” PJ shouted, shook his head and left without anything else.  
Phil was left standing alone in front of his house. Locked out. He sighed and rang the doorbell. His mother opened it and he hurried back into his room.  
PJ’s words were still sounding through his head. Was he being serious that he had lost Phil? Phil could answer this question himself. PJ definitely had lost him when Phil started avoiding him to avoid bullies. The thing that was new to Phil was that PJ had stated quite correctly that it was Phil’s fault that made their friendship come to an end. He had never seen it like that and seeing it now, he felt a minor ting of sorrow. Thoughts he had supressed came back. Thoughts like if it was worth neglecting one true friend to live a calm life.  
After thinking about this problem for an hour Phil finally came to terms that it all was worth nothing. Looking at Matt’s behaviour it was quite obvious that Phil had no one to turn to. He had left his one true friend and he had turned a cold back at his family. With the result that neither bullies nor his former friends cared about him any longer.  
Phil sighed and buried his head in his cushions. Out of nowhere a picture of Dan appeared in his head. Phil found himself smiling suddenly. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Why was he thinking about the cute boy again? This time there were no revenge plans involved simply the cute boy with his genuine smile. A smile which certainly did not appear in the last conversation Phil and Dan had had. Phil sighed and suddenly he knew that his thoughts from earlier were nonsense. How on earth could he have thought about hurting the cute boy? The cute boy deserved better. The cute boy deserved to be protected. Perhaps it was Phil’s fate to protect him. Phil groaned and buried his head in the cushions once again. How should he be able to do anything good in his life ever again? As far as he could read the signs he was damned to make bad things.  
Just like the picture had popped up earlier a thought now came back to Phil, a thought which he had had about one year ago. He had wanted to change. He had wanted the home Phil to be the dominant one once again. And here he was with nothing remotely achieved. Phil felt like crying. How could all go so wrong and why had Dan the power to make him overthink his whole life? Dan was cute but Phil had already seen other cute boys, hadn’t he? Okay, perhaps Dan was extraordinary cute with his pastel colours and cute dimple in his cheek but Phil’s body’s behaviour was ridiculous nevertheless. He was behaving like he was having a crush on Dan or something.  
Phil froze and gasped. No. The signals were clear. He had developed a crush on Dan. On an enormously cute boy that he had only met a few weeks ago if one counted the time Dan was going to school. If Phil just counted the days he had constantly thought about him then he could do that with just one hand. In less than a week Phil had fallen terribly for a boy far out of his league. Phil was an awkward human being who pretended to be a punk to get out of awkward interactions with other humans.  
Knowing the feelings he had for Dan Phil knew for sure that every future encounter (if God would be merciful enough to give some of these to Phil) would be even worse than the one he had had today. If Phil was ever to have a crush on someone (which happened rarely enough as he was being pretty sparse with sharing his feelings and even more with giving his heart away) he usually became the most clumsy, dorky and disgusting human in the other’s company. Needless to say that that was why a crush of his had never actually worked out. Adding the fact that Phil was closeted didn’t help much either.  
Phil groaned and concluded that he was leading a pitiful life. With the problem that no one actually pitied him or showed any sympathy whatsoever.


	8. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

“You didn’t do anything, did you?” Dan asked scared as he saw PJ in school the next day.  
“Only the necessary. I mean you called me with a squeaky voice, mumbling weird stuff and I was supposed to act rationally. I fear you might have picked the wrong person to be your friend.” PJ shrugged and Dan smiled.   
“You didn’t hurt him though, did you?” Dan asked with a small voice.  
“Heaven Dan! I thought you were finally over him!” PJ groaned.   
“I am!” Dan shouted. This was a lie. Of course he wasn’t over Phil. Yesterday’s encounter had only made him want Phil more. Want to change him to be the one that brought back the colour into his life. Dan had had several of these thoughts last night up until the point where he remembered that he himself was wearing light colours to distract people from the dark thoughts about existence he kept having. If someone needed help, it was probably him.  
“Listen PJ, I am trying to but I need time.” Dan added therefore.  
“I get you.” PJ said and patted his back. He squeezed his arm and together they walked through the door into school. They looked around, scared that they might find something insulting Adrian in some way. Weirdly enough there was nothing. Dan calmed down and even managed to smile at PJ, who was visibly relaxing as well.   
“Thank God.” PJ muttered and then quickly started talking about something else so that both their days started happy and not anxious. Dan was thankful for it and was already looking forward to his day as he realised that he was still damned to spend his afternoon in detention. He sighed and tried to let PJ lift his spirits up.   
At lunch Dan found himself groaning about the subject he was about to have. A fragile minded boy should not be forced to take psychology classes. He already wondered if today’s lesson might once again make him have an existential crisis in the afternoon. He hated to be forced to think about his existence when it was already the thing he was doing all the time in his free time, with the only difference that he was able to set some borders to not go too far. Dan had some nasty experiences with going too far, linked with annoying therapeutic hours he had to spend at a house of his mother’s friend. Nothing ever helped. But seriously how could it? Dan was a tiny human that most likely would never have any effect on anything. Not that he was having suicidal thoughts but he definitely had about his purpose on earth and if not fulfilling the purpose due to a sudden death of his had any impact on anything.   
Dan sighed. He had done it once again. It was no good to think about these kinds of things at least not for him. He shook his head as if to make the thoughts disappear and slowly took a bite of the cake PJ had handed him earlier. PJ was a thoughtful friend. Even if he had no clue what exactly was happening on the inside he still took care that his young friend ate enough. Okay, young friend was relative. PJ himself was perhaps about half a year older and yet he felt like he had to protect Dan. Protect Dan like no one had ever protected PJ.   
At the end of psychology classes Dan found himself wandering around school. Only as he heard the school bell ringing he remembered that he had detention to attend. He practically ran towards as he suddenly ran into someone.   
“Oh lord. Sorry. I didn’t mean to. Are you alright?” he asked out of breath and looked around to see Phil picking up things he had dropped.   
“I am alright. Thanks.” Phil said without looking into his eyes.   
“Good.” Dan said shortly as he suddenly saw what Phil was holding in his hands. Those were posters and it did not take Dan long to read Adrian on those posters. “What are you doing?” Dan suddenly shouted.   
“Nothing.” Phil said and quickly hid the posters behind his back.  
“Phil!” Dan wanted to say angrily but his was more like a plead, Dan hated himself for it.  
“I gotta rush.” Phil said and left Dan standing alone. Dan couldn’t believe that Phil was actually doing all the things he had feared he might do. Yes. A part of Dan had still wanted to be wrong about Phil. But as it was there was no chance that he was reading signs wrong. Phil and Matt (primarily Phil) wanted to hurt Dan.   
Dan slowly walked over to the classroom. He was glad that Phil would not be in detention that day. He officially had enough of him. Why was he so eager to hurt him? Because Matt and him knew that Dan was gay? Dan groaned. The thought of having a crush on a homophobe really wasn’t soothing in any way. He hated himself for ever developing those kinds of feelings but even more for apologizing earlier when he hadn’t known who he had run into.   
Dan sighed and started writing his essay on gay rights. He hadn’t even seen Mrs Carter smiling at him as he walked into detention. Dan needed to get rid of some feelings right now.   
If Dan would have reread his essay he might have noticed that feelings of betrayal, hurt and bitterness came through the whole text. Lucky for him the teacher he handed the essay to, liked the text just because of it and wanted the permission to show it to a group of gay right activists. He granted her the permission and was almost thankful for Phil to evoke those feelings in him.   
As Dan walked out of school he immediately grabbed his mobile and called PJ.  
“He did it. I saw him do it.” Dan said as PJ finally picked up.  
“He didn’t.” PJ said.   
“He did.” Dan said and tears started streaming down his face.   
“Dan calm down.”  
“I have to tell Adrian! He will hate me! But I have to warn him!” Dan sobbed.  
“How about we do it together?” PJ proposed.  
“You would do that for me?” Dan asked with a small hiccup.   
“Obviously. Now what about I come to your house straight away? I will help you tell Adrian and then we can think about a possible solution for this dilemma.”   
“That would be perfect.” Dan said with another hiccup. Whenever he was stressed out and probably even crying his body started doing the very nasty thing of hiccupping.   
After ten minutes Dan was finally in front of his house and he had already calmed down a little. He waited for PJ to arrive so that they could go in together. Luckily he only had to wait a few minutes. PJ hugged him quickly and Dan unlocked the door. Dan shouted a weak “Hello!” and made his way upstairs. He knocked on Adrian’s door and walked in after he heard the positive grunt coming from Adrian. Adrian was sitting at his desk. He looked up and was visibly surprised to see PJ and Dan standing in his room.  
“Adrian. I have to tell you something.” Dan said and his lip started trembling again. He turned around to PJ for help. He quickly jumped in and explained quite rationally what Dan and him feared (knew) what Matt and Phil planned to do (already did). When PJ reached the point of saying that Matt and Phil probably wanted to hurt Dan, Dan started crying. Adrian walked over and patted his hand. He had never been one that knew what to do when someone cried.   
“That’s what you wanted to tell me?” Adrian asked Dan. Dan nodded and a new series of tears rolled down his cheeks. “Oh. Actually. You really shouldn’t be so wound up because of it. That’s exactly what they would want you to be.”  
“But! They… I can’t let them hurt you!” Dan shouted miserably.   
“Dan you are sweet but I like to think that I no longer need help from you to protect myself.” Adrian said and smiled.  
“But it’s all my fault.” Dan whined.  
“From what PJ has told me it might as well be my fault so stop thinking about it. Tomorrow we will see if Matt and Phil actually did something and if it is as bad as you would like to paint it Danny boy, then we can always turn to the principal.” Adrian said.  
“Do you forgive me then?” Dan asked hopefully.  
“For crying in my room? I might need some time.” Adrian said and laughed cheekily.   
“I love you too.” Dan said and pulled PJ out of Adrian’s room.  
“That was a lot easier than I had feared it to be.” Dan said. PJ smiled an “I knew it” smile and let Dan bring him to the front door. “Thanks.” Dan said. PJ simply smiled and made his way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and kudos! See you on Saturday! <3


	9. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, I know. I hope you can still enjoy it just as much! :)

PHIL’S POV

Phil had never thought it possible that it would be this easy to drop Matt. He had always feared he might not do it in the end but today was the glorious day where he had managed to end the “friendship” with Matt. The thoughts last evening had shown him that perhaps not winning Dan over but starting a new chapter in his life certainly wasn’t compatible with Matt in his life.  
Phil had decided to start his new chapter with boycotting Matt’s plan of hurting Dan or like PJ put it any member of Dan’s family.  
Phil came running into school as early as he has never been before. Unfortunately Matt had already been there even before him. Posters with stupid comments about Adrian’s sexuality were hanging all around the school. Matt was nowhere to be seen. He usually disappeared after playing a prank so that no one would immediately guess it was him. This time Phil was happy Matt was doing so all the time because it gave him some time to rip of the posters and put them into the bin. He took the last one away carefully, took a sharpie and wrote: “Matt! I’m not having any of this.” on it before putting it into Matt’s math textbook, knowing this would be the first thing Matt would open that day. Afterwards Phil copied Matt and ran out of school just to come back a few minutes later, pretending it was his first time that day.  
Phil was mildly proud of himself. There were not any signs left from the nasty trick Matt had wanted to play on Adrian. Phil happily walked into his first class room. All in all he spent an agreeable day up until the point where Matt confronted him after school.  
“What the fuck, Phil?” Matt shouted and slammed a hand against Phil’s chest. “I thought we were doing this together.”  
“Well it turns out you are wrong.” Phil shrugged. He did not want to argue with Matt, he wanted to part in peace. Starting his new chapter without raising his voice was important for Phil, even if Matt actually deserved it.  
“Are you sick?” Matt shouted.  
“No.” Phil said. In response he got the poster with his message flung into his face. He caught it and simply left the scene. He did not listen to Matt’s protest and walked on. He went to grab his things. Today was one of the rare occasions where he did not have detention in the afternoon. He found it a good way to start his new chapter but knowing his teachers this would most likely not turn into a series.  
As Phil turned around the corner somebody ran into him. Phil dropped his things realising it was Dan. Dan muttered some apologies but stopped abruptly as he recognized it was Phil.  
“I am alright. Thanks.” Phil said and stared at his feet.  
“Good.” Dan said shortly. It pained Phil to hear him as cold towards him but there was literally nothing he could do. Phil continued staring at his feet as Dan suddenly screamed: “What are you doing?”  
“Nothing.” Phil mumbled and tried to hide the posters behind his back.  
“Phil!” Dan said pleadingly. Phil’s heart made a few painful beats but he swallowed the urge of telling the truth down.  
“I gotta rush.” Phil said and left Dan standing all alone. He wanted his new chapter to start without telling something bad behind other people’s backs. Even if it was only Matt. Phil concluded that Dan wouldn’t believe him anyways so what would it bring to tell the truth?  
Phil went home in a miserable mood. He felt bad for leaving Dan alone but judging by his disapproving face when he had recognized him he didn’t even want him to stay. Phil groaned and opened the door. Yet again he felt like he had to be in a better mood at home. His family deserved better for sure. Phil put on a smiley face and walked into the kitchen.  
“Heaven Phil! I did not expect you here!” his mother shouted as he suddenly appeared by her side. Phil blushed and kneaded his fingers. “It’s nice to have you here, don’t get me wrong. Would you like some tea?” his mother asked carefully. Phil nodded quickly. He hadn’t expected this conversation to be as awkward. He followed his mother over to the table and sat down. Would it be easy or hard to become himself again? After a while where Phil had stared at his hands he looked and saw his mother staring at him.  
“Mum. Listen.” Phil started awkwardly. “I think I have to change. And I bet it’s hard and I bet I won’t manage easily so… please give me some time.”  
“All the time you need, honey.” His mother said.  
“Mum. There is something else.” Phil said. He sounded pretty serious and was surprised that he actually dared to tell his mother right now.  
“Is it actually that serious?” his mother asked insecurely.  
“Well. It’s important for me.” Phil shrugged.  
“Okay. I will listen. Of course I will.” His mother said. Phil had never imagined this conversation to start as swiftly.  
“The thing is. I’m gay.” Phil said bluntly. He expected some kind of reaction but his mother simply sipped her tea and smiled.  
“And that’s the “oh so important” thing?” she asked and raised an eyebrow.  
“Don’t tell me you are not surprised!” Phil said and stared at his mother in disbelief.  
“Of course I am! I was just mocking you! Oh lord. How am I supposed to react now? Should I … cry perhaps? Shout? Should I ask who the lucky guy is? Oh! Who is the lucky guy?” his mother rambled and excitedly clutched his arm.  
“There is… no one.” Phil said, immediately thinking about Dan.  
“Oh there is! Exciting but let’s focus on my reaction. What shall I do?” his mother asked. Phil decided to ignore his mother’s six sense, how else could she possibly know that someone actually existed.  
“You could hug me and tell me that everything will be alright and that you forgive my behaviour.” Phil mumbled.  
“Oh Phil. Of course I do.” His mother said and embraced him.  
After a few moments the door suddenly opened and his father stepped inside: “Is someone going to marry? What’s all this about?”  
“Phil could if we were Irish.” His mother beamed. Phil hid his face in his hands. His father certainly wasn’t stupid and he would know what his mother meant by this. Phil had hoped to be the one to tell him, in different circumstances.  
“I’m so proud of you!” his father shouted and pulled Phil up.  
“Really, why?” Phil asked surprised.  
“You are my son? MARTYN!” he screamed. And Phil jumped a little. He cringed at his family’s behaviour but he was happy nonetheless. Martyn came running into the kitchen a little out of breath. He frowned and looked funnily at the whole lot.  
“What happened?” Martyn asked slowly.  
“I told them I was gay and now they are behaving a little weird.” Phil shrugged with a wide smile.  
“Hadn’t you told me already?” Martyn asked confused.  
“Did I?” Phil asked in shock.  
“Oh. I think you were drunk that night. Whatever. You told me. I must have thought you already told everyone. Sorry that I’m not surprised. Hang on… Phil! Those are great news. Who is the lucky guy?” Martyn screamed with an over excited voice.  
“Shut up.” Phil said but accepted the hug nevertheless. “You are a bunch of weirdos.” Phil said and smiled after Martyn had released him.  
“Always at your service.” Martyn said and bowed his head. Phil shook his head and sat down at the table once again to finish his tea. Involuntarily he heard his mother whisper to his father: “We have him back!” Phil blushed and pretended he didn’t hear anything.  
Later that day the whole family gathered around the television, something they hadn’t done in a long time. Phil snuggled into the cushion and thought happily how good the day had passed, apart for the thing with Dan. Dan. How would Phil ever be able to talk to him normally? Could one grow out of a crush?  
Phil had to test this eventually the next day. Even though he was pretty miserable about his life at school he couldn’t wipe away the smile on his face. It was good to know that Phil had a supporting family behind his back. A few things will certainly become easier like this.  
Phil found his day at school easier as he had feared it might be. It was relatively agreeable as he had finally come to terms with his sexuality even as far as he had been able to tell his closest family. Phil’s day was alright until all of the sudden a very angry PJ stood in front of him in the lunchbreak. Phil was amazed to realise that he was no longer afraid of Matt but he certainly was a little scared as he saw PJ standing in front of him like that.  
“Hello.” Phil said awkwardly and waited for PJ to start screaming, which luckily didn’t happen.


	10. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Never had a walk to school feel as bad and hard as this. Dan was very nervous and Adrian, who walked next to him, was winded up because of it. Dan felt sorry for him but he also felt a hella lot sorry for himself. Dan took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. It worked until the school came into sight. Now Dan was all bouncy once again.   
“Everything is going to be fine!” Adrian said encouragingly.   
“Yeah.” Dan said half-heartedly.   
“Come on. Heads up. Perhaps they were too scared to put anything up after you ran into Phil yesterday.” Adrian said.  
“Sure.” Dan said sarcastically and shook his head.   
Funny enough that was exactly what sprang to mind while walking into school. There were no posters hanging anywhere. Dan spun around fearing that he might not have looked closely enough but there was nothing to be seen. Nowhere.   
“Told you.” Adrian said enthusiastically and Dan could hear that he had been at least a little anxious as well. “Have a nice day. PJ is over there. See you at lunch.” Adrian said and made his way over to his friends.   
“There is nothing here!” Dan said as he reached PJ. He didn’t know if he was supposed to be relieved or anxious that something bigger might happen later when he had let the guard down.  
“I know right!” PJ said. He sounded just like Adrian.  
“Do you think something might happen later on?” Dan asked and looked around carefully.  
“No. Dan. Calm down. Everything is going to be fine.” PJ said. If Dan had looked at him in that moment he might have noticed that there was doubt written all over PJ’s face.   
“How can you be so sure of that?” Dan asked carefully.  
“I am a born optimistic. Now come on, we only have one class together today and I am determined to spend it well.” PJ said and when Dan looked into his face he saw nothing but a genuine smile so he decided to push the worry away and make the most of the day.   
Days where PJ and Dan only had one course together have always been Dan’s least favourite days. He was left all alone and even though all his classmates turned out to be at least alright, he never felt like he spent his time well. Today was particularly bad because at lunch break Dan had to wait for both Adrian and PJ to turn up. They both had an excuse but Dan sensed that behind PJ’s excuse was something more than him forgetting a book, he seemed a bit off-track and did not react to directly whenever Dan addressed him. However this only lasted during the lunch break, later when PJ accompanied Dan to the detention classroom PJ was back to behaving like his usual self. Dan decided not to worry and simply forget everything that has happened the last few hours, his life would be a lot easier, he concluded.  
Detention that day wasn’t too bad. Sadly Dan still noticed Phil’s presence more than he ought have. He sometimes even imagined being looked at but whenever he tried to verify his assumption no one was looking at him. In the end Dan gave up and worked as good as he could. That obviously did not work out and he soon found himself thinking about Phil again. Phil was still as handsome as he first thought him to be on their very first encounter. Dan wasn’t happy about thinking so and at the end of detention he told himself rather firmly that it had to stop and no feelings should be developed towards said black-haired beauty… boy.   
Dan went home quietly and had tea with his family, noticing that the majority of his unjust detentions were already over. It felt like Dan was finally able to see a glimpse of sunlight on the horizon. Sunlight which welcomed him to a new life where everything was going after plan.   
The next day in school was uneventful. Dan did not see Phil at all except for detention classes and knowing that Phil would most likely distract him if he was within sight, Dan sat down in the first row and read a book. The teacher did not care and with reading the class really just flew by, like Mrs Carter had told him the first day.   
Dan went out of the building quickly and walked towards the exit. Just as he was about to pass through it he heard a muffled cry, he turned around and saw Phil pulling Matt away. Dan shortly wondered what was going on but he decided to keep himself out of it and quickly walked on. He was happy to note that it was Friday and therefore he could spend the rest of the day practically doing nothing. The whole week had been extremely stressful and somehow his brain hadn’t been able to keep up on the dates. Not that Dan minded, like this it felt like he had gotten a surprise weekend. At home no one was to be seen so Dan sat down on the sofa in the living room and put the telly on. There was nothing interesting on so he let his mind wander. It took surprisingly few seconds to land on Phil once again. Dan was nearly a bit sad that he hadn’t actually seen much of him that day. As he noticed what he was thinking he quickly got up and drank some water. The plan of getting rid of thoughts about Phil was not working out. However Dan knew that giving up was not an option. Living with a crush on someone that was obviously trying to hurt you in whatever way possible wasn’t healthy and a sensible human had to do anything to stop it from getting too serious. Too bad that Dan wasn’t a sensible human. He needed help and before he even thought about it he knew that he had to make PJ help him. Dan decided he wouldn’t call him today as the week had really worn him out but that he would invite him over for tomorrow and that he would only let him go if they had found a reasonable plan together.   
Shortly after deciding what to do next, Dan fell asleep on the sofa. A few hours later he was woken up by Adrian who let himself insensibly fall down next to him.   
“Wakey, wakey!” he called and grabbed the remote to switch channels.  
“Whatsup?” Dan mumbled and sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and stretching his back.  
“Nothing.” Adrian answered too quickly.  
“What is it?” Dan asked a little more articulate.  
“Heard a rumour.” Adrian said and tried to make it sound like he was talking about the weather.  
“Was it about you? I am awfully sorry!” Dan rambled immediately.  
“No, it wasn’t.” Adrian said reassuringly and Dan exhaled audibly. “It’s about Phil.”  
“Then I don’t want to hear it.” Dan said and turned away.  
“Yes you do.”  
“No I don’t.”   
“I shall still say it.”  
“No you shan’t, grandpa.” Dan retorted.   
“I heard people say he broke with Matt.” Adrian said triumphantly. Dan was slightly annoyed that Adrian actually succeeded in telling him the rumour but he was even more annoyed because he knew that rumour was wrong.  
“Sorry to tell you, that you’re wrong.” Dan said shortly.  
“How would you know?”  
“I saw them together, looked pretty much like they were planning something once again. I simply hope it’s nothing against us.”   
“You sure?” Adrian asked sadly.  
“Pretty sure yes, I mean I have seen them myself.” Dan answered and the topic seemed over. Adrian however must have continued thinking about it because Dan heard him whisper at some point: “Where did PJ get it from?” He originally wanted to ask what Adrian meant but then again he didn’t want to think about Phil or Matt for that matter, so he let his question drop.   
Luckily up to the point where Dan was lying awake in his bed there was no reason to think about Phil. He had an agreeable evening, a nice dinner and they watched an interesting film all together. Only in the dark of the night thoughts came flooding back and Dan couldn’t scrape together an imaginative net that would have stopped them from invading his brain. For hours he lay awake and tried to think about something else, in the end exhaustion made him fall asleep and dream a restless dream.   
In the morning he was still quite exhausted but found some motivation when he remembered that he wanted to make plans with PJ that day. After having a late breakfast Dan called PJ. No one was picking up so he simply sent a text, asking PJ to come over to his. Seconds later Dan got a reply telling him that PJ was on his way.  
“Why didn’t you pick up?” Dan asked as he opened the door and bed PJ in.   
“Oh, that was you?” PJ asked.   
“Yes? It was the same number that sent you the text, wasn’t it?”  
“Oh, you’re right. I kind of never answer my phone, unless it’s a text, nasty habit of mine. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about the interesting things in life.” PJ said and literally rubbed his hands.  
“I do need to talk to you about something!” Dan confessed.  
“I know exactly what you want to talk about.” PJ said and fell down on Dan’s bed.  
“How can you? I tried to act decent.”   
“No one would be able to act decent in these circumstances. You are not to blame. I act the same, mind you.” PJ said and laughed.  
“What do you mean you act the same? You said you don’t have a crush on him!” Dan asked confused.  
“Hang on, what is this about for you?” PJ asked.  
“Phil.” Dan answered timidly.  
“Oh… I see.” PJ said and didn’t care to explain any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and kudos! :) <3


	11. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go for the Wednesday amount of chapters! Have fun and enjoy! <3

PHIL’S POV

“What did you do or rather what didn’t you do?” PJ asked quietly but visibly nervous as well.   
“I wouldn’t…” Phil started but PJ interrupted him: “I saw you do…” with a knowing glance and Phil knew immediately that this cryptic message was once again about him betraying their friendship.  
“I am sorry.” Phil said plainly. PJ nearly jumped at those words and looked at his former best friend with disbelief.  
“You have no idea how long ago I last heard these words out of your mouth!” PJ whispered.  
“Same.” Phil said with a faint smile but PJ didn’t do him the favour of smiling back. He was scrutinizing him in a most unpleasant manner.   
“PJ, I care for him.” Phil said and uselessly tried to fight the blush.   
“Do you now, really?” PJ said and raised an eyebrow.   
“Yes.” Phil said and stared into PJ’s eyes, trying to make him believe that he was actually telling the truth.  
“And now you want me to tell him that it wasn’t you and that you love him?” PJ spat.  
“No!” Phil said shocked. “First of all I didn’t say anything about being in love,” Phil blushed deeply at this part, “and secondly I want you to do the exact opposite. Even though I have to say that I won’t make you nor will I threaten you in any way to do what I want. I simply ask you to not tell Dan any lies but also if possible not to talk too much about me at all. Actually. I don’t know what I want. I know you are sensible enough to know what is possibly the best for Dan so I trust you entirely in that matter.” Phil concluded. PJ still looked at him in disbelief but his stare was softening slowly.   
“Oh… Something you also need to know. I am really sorry but I can’t just become someone else in the blink of an eye. I need time. I have taken first steps.” Phil said and smiled tiredly.  
“Have you?” PJ asked astonished. It wasn’t meant to be mean and Phil took it as a good sign.  
“I have. I have said myself free from Matt.”  
“Have you?” PJ asked surprised. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that.” PJ said and the outline of a genuine smile were visible. “I do need time as well, you know.” PJ said and shrugged apologetically.  
“I know. Thank you very much for letting me speak.”   
“Figured you deserved it.” PJ shrugged.  
“Thank you.” Phil said once again and laughed. PJ frowned and Phil quickly explained: “That was the most mature conversation we ever had.”  
“What, talking about your crush and a dramatic turn in your life?”  
“Not if you put it like that.” Phil said and they both laughed a little. Their former bond was already becoming slightly visible again and Phil couldn’t have been any happier. It was a good sign.  
Sadly later that day Phil had to experience that not everything in his life was directly improving. Detention class was bearable, mostly because he could stare at Dan without anyone noticing, Dan himself was busy reading a book and the teacher was the laziest around and didn’t even care to check that all the phones were off. However pleasant detention might have been, it all changed when Phil quickly left the classroom and found Matt lurking behind a wall, waiting for someone. Something told Phil that Matt wanted to take revenge on Dan, who had done nothing himself. The blood ran cold in Phil’s body and he went over to him.   
“Matt.” He hissed. Matt spun around and laughed as he recognized him.   
“Phil, what a pleasure to see you! You finally came to your senses I see?” Matt asked and smiled sweetly.  
“I have indeed.” Phil said and returned the smile.  
“What do you mean?” Matt asked, he obviously hadn’t expected that answer.   
“I won’t let you do it.”   
“What on earth could you mean?” Matt asked, regaining a bit of confidence.  
“I won’t let you hurt anyone anymore. I know you don’t need to do it, I think even you are a perfectly acceptable human.”   
“What an honour to be called that.” Matt spat.  
“I am serious.” Phil said. “You never gave me a reason to think you weren’t capable of caring for someone, yet.”   
“When the fuck did you take that turn?” Matt asked, now a bit horrified of Phil.  
“Recently, I am happy you noticed.” Phil answered coldly.   
“What do you want?” Matt asked, now angry.  
“That you stop trying to hurt people intentionally.”   
“Since when did you stop?” Matt asked mockingly.  
“I am doing so right now.” Phil said and noticed that he probably wasn’t really in a position to tell Matt to better himself. Luckily Matt did not have the brains to notice it.   
“What will you do if I don’t?” Matt asked, trying to hide his respect.  
“You know perfectly well what I am capable of doing.” Phil answered calmly.   
“Oh, do I know?” Matt asked, he looked around and both him and Phil spotted Dan walking towards the gate. Matt wanted to shout something, Phil noticed and pressed a hand to his mouth and pulled him away.  
“Yes, I think you do.” Phil said after he let Matt go. “Please stop.” Phil said and was quite proud of himself that he did not make it sound like a pled. Phil left the scene and went home, hoping that he had had at least a slight effect on Matt’s behaviour towards… anybody really. Of course Phil could never be quite sure so he swore to himself that he would do everything that was in his power to protect Dan and other lucky souls he came across, from bullies.   
Before Phil went to bed that night he proudly replayed the day in his head, suddenly noticing that his behaviour might have provoked the entirely wrong thing in Matt. He wouldn’t be going to attack various people now simply to mock him, would he? Phil tried to soothe himself, saying that Matt usually only ever took a message that was aimed directly at him, he was no use in detecting hidden meanings, he never has been. Phil was left to hope that Matt was just as silly as he always had been.   
Before sleep entirely caught up with Phil, he wondered if he actually wanted a life where he had turned Matt to be a sweetheart. Such a world surely didn’t exist and Phil surely wouldn’t want to live in one. The future would show how Matt decided to act. All Phil could do now was pray and protect innocent souls.   
That night Phil dreamed several ridiculous dreams where he found himself to be a superhero. Every dream was more ridiculous than the last and as he realised what he had been dreaming about all night Phil started laughing. There were tears in his eyes as he remembered that he even had been wearing a stupid costume in most of the dreams. His brain was surely overheated.   
Phil got out of bed and walked down into the kitchen. Before he opened the door he heard Martyn say to his parents: “I swear! I actually heard him laugh! No not that fake one, dad. I swear I could hear his tongue poking out of his mouth again. Mum stop that! He will come down and you won’t have any explanation as to why you are crying. ACT NORMAL!”   
Phil grinned, but then suddenly realised that it meant nothing good for his past behaviour if his family was in ecstasy about him laughing again.   
“Morning.” Phil said sleepily. After waiting a minute or two he had eventually opened the kitchen door. He had to pretend there was nothing funny in seeing his father pretend to read without his glasses on. Everybody knew that he was a blind as a mole without his glasses. Phil ignored it and quickly ate his breakfast. He wanted to have a nice free day. The day actually would be free, as Martyn was going to town with his friends and his parents were visiting some relatives. Knowing that Phil hated nearly nothing more than being treated like a small child, they allowed him to stay home, which also made him feel like a small child (needing the allowance of his parents) but not as bad as the ruffling through the hair by elderly relatives made him feel.   
After they had all gone and Phil had finally made up his mind to dress properly, he decided to sit in the garden (not in the direct sunlight) and do something useless on his computer, like he always did. After a few minutes of doing nothing he heard his neighbours door open and close. He looked up and saw PJ. “Hello.” PJ called tentatively.   
“Hello.”  
“I’m going to Dan.” PJ said and smirked.   
“Oh, are you.” Phil said and tried to act as uninterested as possible.  
“No fooling me, Lester.” PJ called.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I know about your crush and I recognize a jealous face when I see one, but nice try.”   
Phil groaned but shouted back when PJ called his goodbye. It was nearly feeling normal again.


	12. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

“You don’t want to tell me that you too have a crush on Phil, do you?” Dan asked timidly.  
“Heavens no!” PJ groaned. “Why is everyone so jealous today?” he muttered under his breath.  
“Sorry?” Dan asked, still not sure what he should make of this situation.   
“I do not have a crush on him. What would you make you think I had?” PJ asked, visibly amused.   
“You just said you knew what I meant and that you weren’t acting sensible either… I thought that meant we were feeling the same about Phil.” Dan defended himself.  
“Oh… Yeah. I believe we were talking about completely different things the whole way through. I am sorry. But believe me our feelings towards Phil are entirely different.” PJ said.  
“What were you talking about then?” Dan asked, a little scared to continue talking about Phil as PJ obviously reacted weirdly when they spoke about him.  
“The trip.” PJ said and shrugged his shoulders.  
“That is SO exciting.” Dan said lamely. He had no idea what PJ was on about. He raised an eyebrow and the two boys went up into Dan’s room.   
“Come on, don’t tell me nobody has ever told you about the trip.” PJ asked in disbelief.  
“No, believe it or not, no one ever speaks to me, except you and I haven’t heard anything coming from your lips about a certain trip just until now.” Dan said, still not quite getting his head around the excitement this trip apparently held within.   
“Oh. Sorry about that but just you let me speak right now. Your eyes shall be opened and thus soul shall fly about the room with delight once I, the great PJ have finished.” PJ said and swung his arms around theatrically.   
“Been practicing Shakespeare again?” Dan asked grinning.  
“Yeah, drama club is all about that old fella… Where was I?” PJ asked.  
“The trip.” Dan said, mocking PJ voice from earlier.  
“You are so right. Let me start. And let me finish more importantly. Oh, one side note: No matter how delighted you shall be about the news I will not give you consent to kiss me.” PJ said very seriously but Dan started laughing immediately, immensely cheered up with that mental image and the absurdity of PJ’s request.  
“I’m being serious.”  
“Of course you are.” Dan said and rolled his eyes.   
“Dan Howell.”  
“Present.”  
“Please let me talk.” PJ begged.  
“Alright but hurry, I do too have something to talk about.” Dan said finally being a little serious as well.  
“I would if you would let me.” PJ complained.  
“Just talk now.” Dan sighed and pretended to lock his mouth.  
“So. As I might have hinted at, there is going to be a trip. Oh, but not just simply one random trip. That trip is going to be awesome, or so I am convinced it will be as I myself had a minor – major, let’s say major – part in organising things for said trip. Aforementioned trip will take place in I believe – no, cross that out, I know – it will take place in a week’s time.”  
“Beautifully put but would you care to explain a little further?” Dan asked, not able to hide his grin.  
“Sure thing. For quite some time now me and some pupils have been working on the school’s end trip. More like one last school trip for all those elderly – I mean us – pupils at our school. It’s a tradition to do so and now I am delighted to be able to share all the details. You handed in that sheet with the general information a few weeks ago, right?” PJ asked.  
“Nope.” Dan shrugged.  
“You didn’t? Why didn’t you?” PJ asked horrified.  
“How was I supposed to when I have never even gotten that sheet?” Dan asked back.  
“Oh bollocks. That would be my fault then. Damn it. How are we supposed to get you on board then?” PJ asked.  
“What do you mean?” Dan frowned.  
“We had a certain number of people we planned for and apparently you haven’t been one of them. I need to speak to Mrs Carter right when I get to school on Monday.” PJ thought out loud.   
“Did she help you?” Dan asked.  
“Yeah, she was a real darling. Will you accompany me? You always seem to charm the opposite sex and I could do with some charm because otherwise she will rip my head of, she told me over and over again that the fewer mistakes there were the easier everything would go – and with that she meant no mistakes allowed.”   
“I will come with you.” Dan said and grinned.  
“Thanks a lot. I bet we will find a solution. In the meantime, would you care for some details, no one had yet had the chance to hear?” PJ asked excitedly.  
“Shoot.” Dan said and listened to PJ’s detailed story. While listening he wondered why he had never noticed PJ planning something as huge as a trip for at least 70 people. Perhaps because PJ obviously hadn’t been doing so completely on his own, but Dan still worried about his overall perspective if he even failed to notice his best friend plotting something.   
The trip turned out to go to a relatively small town in the middle of England. Like that it would be cheap enough and no too rich people would have to be bothered, like it would have been the case somewhere down south. Dan was happy that way. He wasn’t a too fond swimmer and staying in a small youth hotel would surely prevent him from doing any swimming. Sadly PJ told Dan about certain outdoor activities, no one could escape from. They were all a bit silly but after doing a survey amongst the pupils (once again without thinking about Dan) the vast majority was happy about some silly games, PJ highly suspected the reason for this was the trip being the last thing they would do at school and therefore being the last occasion where they could pretend to be children. Dan thought the majority of pupils were still actually children or too dumb to be interested in anything else but he decided not to share his thoughts with PJ.   
After PJ had finished with his tale Dan was determined to be a part of the trip as well. PJ apologized over and over again for diminishing his chances but still had some hope left. PJ was mildly thirsty after talking for a good while so Dan and PJ went downstairs to have lunch with his family. Afterwards they went in the garden and Dan thought a good while as to how he should smoothly introduce the topic he originally had wanted PJ to come over to. He had thought about several different things but in the end it was PJ who started by clearing his throat and asking: “So, Phil?”   
Dan jumped and coughed for a bit.  
“Oh dear, that has to change.” PJ said sympathetically while patting Dan’s back.   
“Has it?” Dan heard himself ask. “I mean, I know it has but it’s hard and I won’t be able to tear myself apart from him without your help.”   
“Well.” PJ said after a while, “I appreciate you thinking about me being the one to help you but I have to disappoint you. PJ ain’t going to help you this time.”  
“Why is that?” Dan asked and frowned.  
“Dan, having a crush is something no one apart from the two people involved has any control over. And usually from those two people it always should be the one with the crush in control. And by the way I did not necessarily mean that your crush has to stop, I only meant that your behaviour towards dealing with this situation clearly has to change.”  
“What do you mean? By that first bit, I got the second one.” Dan asked.  
“The one being crushed on has no right to control the other.” PJ explained briefly.  
“Oh yeah well but that’s hardly the case here, is it?” Dan asked with a weak smile.  
“No, I simply thought I should clarify.” PJ shrugged.   
“So what should I do?” Dan asked once more.  
“I won’t tell you what to do.” PJ said sternly.  
“Can you give me some advice?” Dan asked.   
“No. That would be controlling you.” PJ said.  
“How is that?” Dan asked confused.  
“I like to think you care what I think and if I told you what I think then you would think twice about doing whatever it is you think you should do and therefore me sharing my thoughts won’t help you thinking about reasonable plans.”   
“There were far too many things in there.” Dan said.  
“Pun well done but not appreciated.” PJ said and gave Dan a scolding look.   
“I think I understand what you mean though.” Dan said and couldn’t help a smile.   
“All I will say is that you should take care that your decision will make you happy now and in the future.” PJ said mysteriously.   
“That helped me, a lot.” Dan groaned.   
“Sorry, that’s all I’m going to say.”   
“Thanks a lot, dude.”   
“No dude-ing please.”   
“Thanks a lot, mate.”   
“No mate-ing, thanks.”   
“Thanks.”  
“You’re welcome.”  
“You’re weird.”  
“I know.”  
And with this the conversation Dan had hoped would help him out was over with the result that he was more confused than he had been before and that he was worrying about his future. A dangerous situation to be in for a fragile minded person but it couldn’t be helped.   
PJ left soon afterwards and Dan was left alone with his thoughts nearly whole Saturday and Sunday before he could meet PJ in front of the school building and go to Mrs Carter together. Time alone, he certainly did not spend well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are more than welcome! I love all of my readers! :) <3


	13. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this is terribly late. Enjoy never the less! <3

PHIL’S POV

What had PJ meant by he could recognize a jealous face when he saw one? Phil kept asking himself this question over and over on the weekend, even though he obviously knew the answer to that question. Of course Phil was jealous that PJ got to spend time with Dan, perhaps even while discussing confidential stuff. That jealously wasn’t eating him up though, the things that were eating him up were of a different nature. The first thing would be a feeling similar to hate towards himself for starting to act strangely all that time ago and therefore losing PJ and losing the possibility of becoming intimate… let alone friends with Dan. This feeling was really common to Phil by now but he couldn’t help pitying himself and shouting at himself for complicating his life, he hasn’t yet ruined it, he hoped. The second thing that was eating him up, naturally, was the worry if Matt would dare to do anything and if he could prevent it and by doing so, better his image once and for all. Phil doubted it but his family seemed confident. On Saturday when Martyn returned from his trip into town, he had knocked tentatively on Phil’s door, even though it was clearly open.  
“Come in.” Phil called. Martyn went through the doorframe and stood in the middle of the room, uncomfortably.  
“For heaven’s sake, do sit down.” Phil said, feeling a bit uncomfortable himself.  
“It’s weird, that this feels weird, isn’t it? It shouldn’t feel weird.” Martyn finished unhappily.   
“It’s not weird unless we make it be.”  
“Since when have you become wise?” Martyn mocked him and the comfortable atmosphere was back in a second.  
“Dumbledore taught me.” Phil said with a straight face.  
“I would have thought it was Gandalf.” Martyn answered.   
“I am a wizard, Martyn.” Phil said pretending to be annoyed.  
“So Gandalf isn’t a wizard on your account?” Martyn asked amused.  
“Oh right, he wasn’t the one feeding thousands, was he?” Phil asked. Martyn mustered him confused for a while before he got what Phil was hinting at, then he started laughing loudly: “How did you get confused between Gandalf and Jesus?”  
“They’ve both got beards.” Phil defended himself.   
“If that is your argument we really don’t have to discuss any further.” Martyn said in a schoolteacher’s voice.   
“No.” Phil said and smiled.  
“So what I originally came here for, you might have guessed, not explaining the difference between Gandalf and Jesus…, well what I came here for was: to give you a tiny welcome back present.” Martyn said and Phil only noticed then that Martyn was indeed holding a white folded something.  
“I guess it’s appropriate.” Phil said, ashamed of his behaviour once again.  
“Oi, it’s meant to sheer you up, not remind you of the past. Don’t you dare live in ‘Yesterday’.” Martyn said and launched the something in Phil’s face.  
“I promise I will try.” Phil said solemnly and unfolded the something. It turned out to be a shirt with something printed on, Phil quickly turned it around and saw that there were various, different looking Pokeballs printed. It was a geeky present and it was stupid, so all in all it was perfect for Phil.  
“Thank you Martyn!” Phil said genuinely.   
“That’s alright. Simply remember that you can do good. Everyone can.”   
“So you are here to missionize me after all?” Phil asked to break the tension.  
“Forever and always.” Martyn said and rolled his eyes, “But seriously. You can do good and you can have him.” Phil did not say anything in return and Martyn quickly mumbled something and left the room. Phil would have never said anything nasty to him, never but in this particular situation he simply couldn’t say anything and it might have looked like he was thinking about insults. That was for sure not what Phil was thinking about, he was merely thinking about the amount of truth there was in Martyn’s remark. First of all, could he really do good and secondly could he possibly really “have” Dan? Martyn did not know his name but he surely could read Phil well enough to notice that there actually was someone.   
It was Monday morning and Phil was on his way to school, once again thinking of the possibility of doing good. He had decided late at night that he would push the thought of “Having Dan” far back because it was implausible and at the moment simply keeping him from thinking about good things he could do. When he entered the school building, Phil had decided that he would start with showing at least a certain amount of respect to the teachers and his fellow pupils. That would include putting up his hand in class and not pushing people about when he was too lazy to walk around them. It would also include smiling, at least a bit, if he hadn’t forgotten how to do it. With making these plans, Phil also knew what they wouldn’t include and that was telling lies to flatter someone and it surely didn’t include respecting Mr Jefferson in any other way that granting him the aspect of being a human being and therefore being in the right of a certain civility towards him but civility was all Phil would be willing to give.   
Phil went to his first classroom and waited patiently when pupils were walking slowly in front of him. He did not have to do that too often because people were walking away from him every so often, when they recognized him. Phil felt uneasy about that, he knew he had to make a drastic turn and show people he had changed when he wanted his reputation to better itself.   
The first day of trying his best to be nice to everyone (apart from Mr Jefferson) was exhausting for Phil. Luckily he didn’t meet Mr Jefferson that day because otherwise his politeness might as well have crumbled. All in all Phil wasn’t exhausted because of being nice to others that part was surprisingly easy, but he was exhausted of his thoughts. Not one minute passed that day without Phil thinking ill of himself for not realising earlier how easy it was to be nice and not one second passed were he didn’t worry about any “attack” Matt might have planned. And on top of it all he had to pretend his heart did not do a silly jump whenever he passed Dan in the hallway, he daren’t even look at him in fear of showing way too openly what he was trying to supress.   
The following week turned out to be one of the best ones Phil had had and one of the hardest ones all the same. It was an interesting experience to see the attitude others had towards him change with little bits and pieces he changed in his own behaviour. It was a drastic turn all together but in reality it was a little bit of change there and then and it was good as it was. It was exhausting for the same reason that it had been exhausting on the first day but starting on Tuesday things became exhausting in a different manner. On Tuesday all the students were called together to get some final details about the trip. Phil was a bit confused at first but then he remembered that starting off when they first came to the school, PJ had constantly talked about the trip and what he would make his classmates do if it was finally his time to plan it. It turned out that PJ eventually did have a large impact on the things that were going to happen on the trip, Phil wouldn’t have known because he hadn’t been in contact but had that reunion he got to hear several aspects and activities planned for the trip and when hearing some he simply knew that there couldn’t be any other than PJ behind it. So in a way the week was exhausting because he had to mentally prepare himself for a week of being together with his whole grade and therefore having to give his very best 24/7.   
The most exhausting thing about that week was the variety of things that all came together for Phil. For months now he hadn’t bothered to even lift his pinkie, as in doing any work whatsoever and now he felt himself doing at least three tasks at the same time, for Tuesday was also the day when Matt started playing nasty pranks on people. His pranks have never been funny, always only nasty. Phil did his best to prevent them, and succeeded quite a few times and he did his best to console those that had been aimed at, when he hadn’t been able to prevent the prank. One day he came too late and was left to see a crying girl about one year younger than him but still in his grade, sitting before a small hill of what looked like to once have been a piece of clothing. Judging by the fact that she was now only wearing a top and was shivering, it must have been a jacket of some sort. Phil quickly went over to her and mumbled an apology.  
“Why would you apologize?” the girl asked confused, while blowing her nose.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you earlier?” Phil asked back, she probably wouldn’t understand that he felt obliged to help people who were attacked by Matt. That all sounds dramatic but Matt really attacked some people, having just cut a beloved jacket, a gift from her mother, to nothing but pieces.   
Phil had been right, the girl did not understand that he could feel obliged to help and prevent but she accepted the jacket he offered her nevertheless, thanking him over and over again when he accompanied her to the principal’s office, to report Matt’s behaviour. It was lunch break and Phil had nothing better to do so he waited in front of the office for the girl to come out again. Before she would come out he was suddenly called in by no one less than Mrs Carter. She frowned at him a little but was smiling widely none the less. “Mr Parker wants to speak to you.” she said and smiled reassuringly. Phil gathered some strength, knowing that he hadn’t done anything wrong, and went inside the office.


	14. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

“No mistakes!” PJ and Mrs Carter chanted together. Mrs Carter desperately tried to keep a stern face but when PJ made an apologetic grimace, one of her famous smiles broke out all over her face.   
“I’ll see to it.” she sighed.   
“You are a darling!” PJ called.  
“Take care, Mr. Ligouri or otherwise I will have to report you for indecent behaviour!” she called laughingly.   
“I am awfully sorry my fair lady.” PJ said with a mischievous smile.   
“You are impossible.” Mrs Carter smiled and concentrated on the screen in front of her. Not soon after she had started her amused smile faded and she was looking even more serious than the time when she had made Dan pour out his heart to her.   
“PJ, I have told you over and over again to not forget anything, to not make the slightest mistake and see where your floppy behaviour has brought us to.” Mrs Carter said after a while and Dan couldn’t help but think that it was all a tad too dramatic for the question of him being able to come to a trip or not.   
“I am sorry, I really am.” PJ said and he sounded genuinely sorry. There was no longer a mischievous grin behind his eyes there was only defeat (again it seemed a bit too dramatic for Dan’s taste). “I’ve been planning this trip since I first heard of it. I told myself more often than you did to not make any mistakes whatsoever. I think I knew it would be me that forgot something all along, it all fits together, things were going too well.”  
“Okay, that is enough.” Dan said and noticed just as surprised as the others that he had said that out loud. “I mean… Don’t you think you two are being a bit too dramatic? I know you care an awful lot for this trip but if I can’t come with you please stop blaming yourself, I will survive.” Dan said in the hope of having made a good joke but all he got in reply was a pathetic sigh from Mrs Carter.  
“Honey,” she said, “I won’t have you stay here, you simply have to experience the trip.”   
“I won’t have you not appreciate my efforts.” PJ added.  
“Fine.” Dan knew he was defeated, “But stop being so dramatic about it, I bet we can find a solution just when we start thinking reasonably. Is there perhaps a drop out from someone who wanted to go but now can’t?”   
Mrs Carter eagerly typed something into her computer but shook her head with a sad smile: “We normally have tons of those but it seems your grade is in perfect health.”   
“Perhaps something will happen.” Dan shrugged.  
“Something has to happen.” PJ said determined.  
“Don’t you dare go around breaking people’s legs!” Dan said jokingly and noticed one again horrified that PJ did not seem to understand that it was meant to be a joke. “That was a joke.” he said for safety matters.   
“Yeah.” PJ said absently and Dan doubted he actually heard him. He decided to put faith in PJ’s conscience and sat down on a chair in the back of Mrs Carter’s office, leaving the two other’s to think about the matter.  
It took them to the start of the first lesson to conclude that they could not do anything but wait for the first person to say they couldn’t come. Dan was as happy as he could be with that and hurried PJ to their first lesson. Dan paid as much attention as he could with a constantly muttering PJ next to him. When the class had finished PJ had already made Dan sign and fill out all the papers, necessary for the trip. Dan admired his optimism but at the same time decided to follow PJ around for the rest of the week so that he could make sure he wouldn’t hurt anybody to get Dan on the trip.   
He succeeded well enough but the week was hard nevertheless. Dan had after all a mission to make out his heart and make up his mind according to what his heart was saying. That wasn’t the sensible way around but Dan was sick of having to deal with common sense before letting his heart tell him what would be good for him. So far his heart had never made a situation worse, well it was on the verge of doing it now but so far Dan was able to control everything. Well, he couldn’t control the jumps his heart made when he saw Phil and he couldn’t control the lump that was forming in his throat whenever Phil decided to rather look at anything else than Dan but so far Dan had managed to control the tears from not streaming down his face. That wasn’t something to be entirely proud of, as the tears were formed nevertheless but Dan decided he had to make low aims, starting off.   
On Tuesday Dan felt like he was completely without feelings towards Phil, but as soon as the later ignored him at the reunion for the trip Dan was longing to be noticed by him again. On Wednesday Dan felt like he had a crush on Phil, these feelings were obviosuly triggered by Phil looking at him during lunch break, he must have thought Dan didn’t notice because he was even smiling a little bit, giving Dan a hard time to pretend everything was normal. On Thursday he was pretty sure that he still had a crush on Phil but that he would be miserable because Phil hadn’t once looked at him but was reported to be seen with a girl, wearing his jacket. Dan was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, only pretending everything was fine when PJ was around because he was having troubles not to think it was his fault that Dan perhaps would not be coming to the trip. On Thursday there hadn’t been any sign that Dan could eventually take part of that trip as well so PJ’s condition was rather fragile.   
However Thursday wasn’t as bad as Friday. Dan hadn’t suspected anything, how could he, he was busy ignoring his heart, so that it hit him twice as hard. “It” was a “prank” (it could hardly be called so because it wasn’t funny in the slightest) Matt played on PJ. Dan and PJ had met at the front gate as usual and made their way into the school building. Dan would have easily been a victim as well if Adrian hadn’t called him to exchange their Math textbooks; he had accidentally packed the wrong one this morning. Dan thanked him and hurried after PJ, only to find that he had been a second too late. Seeing the scene in front of him, Dan obviously didn’t notice right away that it was PJ that was lying there hugging his knees to his chest. There was a death silence around the whole scene until someone, evidentially Matt, started laughing. Dan stormed right over to him but someone blocked his way and gently but decidedly pushed him towards PJ. It was Phil, he was smiling gently at Dan but he turned around angrily and grabbed Matt’s arm and pulled him towards the principal’s office, having an aura full of authority. Dan was a little taken aback and wondered what that behaviour of Phil had to mean, why was he pulling Matt away, hadn’t he been involved in this? Dan’s stupid heart decided he hadn’t. Suddenly Dan was brought back to reality when he heard PJ’s whimpers. He quickly walked over to him.  
“Someone get a teacher.” he called pleadingly into the crowd “And Mrs Carter if you would be so kind.” he added and gently lay PJ onto his back and took his hand, which he immediately started to clutch, hard. Dan drew in a sharp breath but knew he had to be strong for PJ. He had still no clue what exactly had happened so he looked around the scene while muttering encouraging words to PJ. There was a paper, ripped into small pieces. Dan narrowed his eyes and could unmistakably read his own name written across it. No doubt something rude was written all over it. He examined the scene further because just one lousy paper could not provoke that sort of pain to PJ. Dan frowned because there did not seem to be anything out of place as he suddenly saw something which looked a lot like a catapult. He looked around and saw a small ball which they sometimes used to play hockey with when the puck was lost in P.E classes. It all looked like PJ had gotten that small hard ball fired into his stomach and everything was somehow linked with that paper.   
Dan had no time to think about that matter further because Mrs Carter and came running towards him and PJ. “Dan! What on earth happened?” she asked out of breath. Dan looked helplessly around, luckily a younger pupil had mercy and explained that PJ had went to take off a nasty poster and that behind that poster a mechanism had shot a ball into his gut.   
While demanding further details Mrs Carter made PJ lie flat on his back, stretch his legs and started kneading his stomach gently, putting pressure on certain areas that made PJ hiss and clutch Dan’s hand even more firmly.   
The boy explained that it must have been Matt who had organised the scene as he had been laughing straight into everyone’s faces. He also said that Phil and him were on their way to the principal’s office right now.  
Mrs Carter looked up. “Phil?” she asked surprised and also a bit disappointed.   
Dan felt obligated to speak, so he said: “He seems to be innocent, he was the one to pull Matt away.”   
“Oh, okay, I bet Mr Parker will have taken all the further measures.   
“Do you believe PJ needs an ambulance?” Dan asked shaking. PJ’s face was twisted in pain.  
“No dear, don’t worry too much. Do you know where PJ ought to be now?” Mrs Carter asked, observing PJ’s every breath.  
“I don’t know, do you?” Dan asked, not understanding the question in its complete meaning.   
“Honey, I asked what class he is missing right now.” Mrs Carter said.  
“Did you? When?” Dan asked but caught himself, “Oh, right. He has got history classes. Teacher is Mrs Toadham.”   
Mrs Carter nodded and turned to the boy who told her the whole story: “Could you go to Mrs Tottenhammer” she said with a side glance to Dan who blushed furiously, “and tell her what has happened? Thank you.”   
The boy quickly did as he was told and Mrs Carter and Dan lifted PJ up and brought him to Mrs Carter’s room.   
“Let’s make him feel better, shall we?” Mrs Carter asked and Dan was awfully happy to have called for her. PJ would surely feel better within an instant, more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two days and we'll see each other again! :) Comments and kudos are as welcome as ever! <3


	15. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again and this time without delay! <3 Enjoy! :)

PHIL’S POV

Mr Parker was looking funnily at Phil when he timidly but not frightened walked into his office. The girl was no longer in the room, Phil saw as he looked around.  
Mr Parker said: “She left, the incident did not leave a trauma on her, everything should be fine soon.”   
Phil nodded understandingly. He thought a bit about how he could ask Mr Parker what exactly he was doing in his office in a decent way but after moments passed, he had come to no conclusion. Luckily he didn’t have to because Mr Parker cleared his throat and smiled widely. Phil had always noticed that he was a man to smile widely and often to everyone really, lately Phil hadn’t seen much of that smile, it was usually full of pity when Mr Parker did look at him. The full beam of one of Mr Parker’s friendly smiles hit Phil now and he could only stare, luckily without his mouth falling open.  
“You might wonder why I have called you in. Well, I do wonder myself, I never really do that but I also never really had a case like yours. You remind me a bit of myself when I was younger, well lately not that much but I knew you had it in you somewhere and I guess I have been right, haven’t I? You follow me, right?” Mr Parker asked with one of his kind smiles. Phil suspected to know what exactly he was hinting at but decided to play dumb instead: “Not entirely, sir.” he answered.   
“Well I might as well tell you bluntly. I have called you in to thank you. Yes, thank you.” He repeated for Phil was looking rather astonished. “You have learned to believe in good again and most importantly in the good in you. Whoever caused that has done well, really well. I want to tell you that I will seek to support you in every way I can. I hope you know what I mean by that, whenever something troubles you and you feel comfortable to talk to it to anyone, please do come up to me, or Mrs Carter for that matter. I have confidence that you wouldn’t spread the word that I am thinking about LETTING HER FIND A NEW JOB.” Mr Parker said loudly.  
“Wh…?” Phil began but Mr Parker interrupted him: “I know all too well that she is LISTENING right now.”  
“But you wouldn’t fire her, would you?” Phil asked, anxious that the only person he actually felt a bond to would have to leave school soon.  
“Never.”   
“He’d be nothing without me.” Mrs Carter’s muffled voice came through the door. Mr Parker laughed and gestured Phil to stand up. Phil quickly stood up and thanked Mr Parker for their conversation.

The next time Phil came into Mr Parker’s office was indeed when he had something confidential to tell him but he wasn’t alone. He had Matt’s arm firmly in his grip and pulled him unmercifully through school. He didn’t listen to his protests but that was mainly because Phil’s head was still left with two very brown eyes looking at him. Phil hadn’t been able just to make out whether the look in them had been disgust or perhaps something else. Luckily Phil eventually remembered that at the moment that wasn’t the most important thing, even if it was the most interesting thing. Phil had to take Matt to Mr Parker’s office and make Matt suffer consequences for all the things he had done.   
Phil knocked politely at the door, Mr Parker himself opened the door and smiled as he saw it was Phil. The smile faded again when he saw that Phil had “brought” Matt to his door.  
“Do come in.” Mr Parker said coldly. Phil pulled Matt through the door, let him go and closed the door. “What is the matter?” there was no sign of Mr Parker’s joyful self, Phil had seen not long ago. He really hoped that it was because Matt was present and not he had changed his mind concerning him. Phil let himself fall down on a chair, in front of Mr Parker’s desk.  
“There has been an incident.” Phil said gravely.  
“It was a prank man!” Matt called annoyed. Phil jumped up and got close to Matt. “You injured PJ without any reason, which wouldn’t make it any better by the way, you have to take consequences upon you for doing what you did. It could even have been far worse with that idiotic rubber ball of yours, do you know how much damage you could have caused with that catapult of yours pulled so very tight and placed right in front of PJ? Do you?! And worst of all it was a trap so that PJ couldn’t even begin to protect himself. That idiotic poster of yours. To injure those who only have in their mind to protect their friends is disgusting. You have to be severely punished for what you did, everything you did. Hurting people emotionally or physically is always wrong and it is even more so when you do it to have a good laugh yourself. I am sick of your behaviour, no one deserves to get the treatment you distribute, not even yourself, and that is to say something!”   
Phil fell back onto his chair, a bit breathlessly. Matt was clearly intimidated by Phil’s speech but he evidentially didn’t think of himself as defeated, for he turned over to Mr Parker and said with a disgusting smile: “Mr Parker, you wouldn’t let him shout buls… stuff like that at my face would you, without having listened to any witnesses?”  
“Witnesses?” Phil cried. “It’s obvious that you have a few people who tell exactly what you want but people you pay to do so are hardly to be called witnesses!”  
“Mr Lester, do sit down.” Mr Parker said patiently. Phil fell back onto his chair, not having realised that he had been standing once again.  
“To answer your question” Mr Parker turned to Matt, who was grinning diabolically, “I think Mr Lester is a perfectly fine witness just as he is and therefore I can’t find myself disagreeing with anything he has said.” Matt’s grin faded and he stared at Mr Parker, open mouthed. “There will be consequences, several of them, I fear and I don’t have the mind to tell them all before we have called your parents, for I am informed you are still 17 years old, but do let me tell you that there won’t be any chance for you to go to that trip Mr Ligouri faithfully organised in the hope his classmates were decent fellows. Now I must ask you most seriously to stay in this room, drink a coffee if you must and wait for my return without aggravating matters further.” With these final words Mr Parker got up, so did Phil and followed him outside the office.  
“Thank you for bringing him, Mrs Carter and I have always suspected him of things so it’s good to have something we can actually claim him responsible for.”  
“Believe me there are several more but I fear I had my part in them too.” Phil said embarrassedly.  
“I then forbid you to speak about them. This incident will give enough possibilities for punishment as you have already pointed out: Far worse things could have happened. Now if you would be as nice as to go to Mrs Carter and send her to me, if you happen to meet the injured there would you please tell him that Mr Howell can now after all go to that trip as well, just now there was a place offered by one of his lovely classmates.” Mr Parker said and returned to his office.   
It took Phil a few moments after he understood what he was meant to be doing right now. He went to Mrs Carter’s office, the one next to the detention classroom and not the small room next to Mr Parker’s office and knocked on her door. The door was opened quickly but instead of Mrs Carter’s green eyes Phil was looking into familiar brown ones, familiar enough to make it hard for him to speak: “Is… Can I… Mrs Carter?” Phil stuttered.   
“S…sure.” Dan answered and quickly turned around. Mrs Carter came over to him, smiling.  
“Mr Parker wants you to come up to his office.” Phil said, now able to form coherent sentences.   
“I will go immediately. You will be alright, honey, will you?” she asked Dan, the later blushed and nodded quickly. Mrs Carter smiled apologetically, to them both funnily enough, and left the room. Phil now noticed that PJ was lying on a small sofa in the back of the office, now asleep but also visibly in pain, for whenever he moved an inch his face was twisted in pain.   
Phil didn’t know what to say and he really wanted to say something because then he could stay for a little while longer, after a few minutes of silence he finally said idiotically: “Stupid story, huh?”  
Dan spun around and fixed him with the stare of his eyes. “Stupid? PJ is hurt! Badly!” Dan emphasised.   
“I’m only happy it’s not me. Could’ve been.” Phil said. He meant what he said, it could have nearly been him who tore that poster down the wall but whenever phrasing and putting things mattered his brain stopped working. The sentence above was obviously one of the worst things Phil could have said in that moment.  
“Of course you are.” Dan spat. “No sympathy. None. I actually thought better of you, Lester. I’m sorry I was mistaken but not half as sorry as I am for PJ to once have been friends with you.” Dan quite literally used an “f-word” in that sentence but it was the word “friends” and not another word, usually associated with that kind of a tone.   
Phil knew that whatever he said would make matters worse but once again his brain did not supply him with that information so he said: “We weren’t really good friends lately.”   
“Oh, I wonder why.” Dan said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “I have to ask you to leave, now!” Dan shouted. Phil quickly did as he was told, sensing his defeat. Yet he couldn’t help to kind of like the sarcastic way of Dan’s.


	16. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Dan knew two things for sure the second Phil left: PJ was already suffering enough so he wouldn’t bother him about details from the conversation he and Phil just had and the second thing: Dan had to pretend he cared nothing for Phil, perhaps it would be just like with the work he always procrastinated from doing. When he would be good enough in pretending he didn’t care perhaps he would really start not caring. Sadly no matter how badly Phil had just behaved, for Dan knew that he had behaved absolutely shamefully, he couldn’t bring his heart to stop beating faster whenever he thought about Phil’s far too beautiful eyes. Dan sat down next to PJ and looked closely at him, his face was still not at ease and he was still holding his stomach. Dan was awfully angry with Matt for hurting his friend like that and with Phil for just being himself.   
A few minutes later, in which Dan had done his best pretending not to care, the door opened and Dan strongly believed it was Mrs Carter who had returned but when he turned around he saw Phil standing in the doorway and his breath was taken away, so there goes all his attempts of not caring... A little, okay huge, part of him wanted the reason for Phil’s return to be a sincere apology. With shaking legs Dan got up and walked over to him, he noticed horrified that Phil was smiling widely. His heart obviously reacted according to its traitor-like behaviour it has shown lately but Dan braced himself as he was wise enough to know he couldn’t have come to apologize with a smile as triumphant as that.  
“What is it?” Dan asked emotionless.   
“Mr Parker told me to tell you that because of the lucky circumstances you can come to the trip after all.” Phil said still with that huge smile of his. It was so genuine that Dan nearly found himself smiling back but then he realised just what Phil had said and even more so the way he had said it.  
“How do you know… No. I accept your news but I won’t thank you for them. How dare you call this ‘lucky circumstances’? Leave.” Dan said tiredly.   
When he turned away from the door he did not even for a second think that Phil might have wanted to say it differently, he didn’t think about the way Phil’s face fell a little and he certainly didn’t think that perhaps all Phil had meant to say was that he was happy that he could come to the trip, he didn’t do any of the things, well, he tried to not do any of these things. For the next ten minutes Dan did his best pretending that it was actually true what he just told himself he did. After ten minutes PJ was woken up by the sound of a school bell ringing. No matter how stupid it sounded, Dan had actually forgotten, that he was in school and that PJ’s accident had happened not too long ago, he felt like he aged enormously in these past hours.   
“I was told that I can come to the trip after all but I don’t know for sure.” Dan told PJ excitedly. Mrs Carter was standing in the door and nodded happily: “It is true. Matt was cast out of it so Dan can take his place, there is just one little thing you have to accept.”   
Dan nodded immediately: “Anything.”   
“You’ll share a room with Phil Lester, Matt was his roommate and there is no way we change the original distribution of roommates.” Mrs Carter said and smiled. She probably only thought this would be a burden for Dan because Phil wasn’t PJ but it was actually more of a burden because Phil was Phil! A whole week sharing a room with Phil, practically living together would have been a lovely surprise for Dan any time but right now it was one of the last things he needed.   
“He consents.” PJ answered for him and pulled a grimace when Dan spun around to him.  
“Do you?” Mrs Carter asked.  
“I do.” Dan murmured in a defeated way.   
“I’ll immediately tell Mr Parker.” Mrs Carter said and rushed out of the room, simply to return instants later: “I’m sorry to say but you have to go to your class now, Dan darling. PJ’s parents are on the way, oh I forgot to tell you, PJ: Your parents are on their way.” Mrs Carter said and laughed about her own silliness.   
Dan nodded some more and said: “I hope you’ll be fine soon dude, after all I need my mate.”   
“I am so going to make you pay for that.” PJ said and smiled fondly.   
“Yeah, as if.” Dan said and left with a last smile.   
For the remaining breaks Dan hadn’t anywhere to go because PJ’s parents had obviously taken their son home. All he could do was seek shelter from Adrian. He received it of course, word has made the school and details where shared about the attack on PJ, certain details about the poster never reached Dan but he knew some knew because they treated him with respect, it seemed like the whole school had formed a solidary wall against Matt and Dan was deeply grateful for his and PJ’s sake. Matt had been sent home so the only person left visibly irritated was Phil but Dan had made up his mind not to care. He had done so several times today and he had decided that this was the last straw. He owed PJ that he didn’t become weak in regards to Phil.   
At the end of school that day Dan was mildly happy with his succeeding. Phil’s appearance obviously still had a huge impact on Dan but he decided to accept that and simply concentrate on Phil’s nasty behaviour so that in the future the aspects of his personality ought weighed his good looks, Dan couldn’t have possibly know that he was right in that instance but to a degree he could have never have fathomed just then.   
Dan went home quietly next to Adrian, when they reached home he let Adrian give his parents a reason for his behaviour, they accepted it immediately and left him alone. Dan was incredibly thankful that a fresh weekend was lying right before him. He couldn’t have born to go to school the next day, without PJ, the glances that were soothing today would have been torture tomorrow. Like this he could end and start the next day without feeling anxious for anything but PJ. The next morning he quickly ate his breakfast and then grabbed his phone. He contemplated whether to call or text PJ, he decided to text him first, as he now knew that PJ not always answered his phone.  
“Do I have the permission to call you?” Dan wrote. Seconds later he got the reply: “Any time.”   
“Will you pick up?” Dan asked nevertheless. “Cheeky thing. I promise I will.” PJ wrote and Dan immediately dialled his number.   
“You sound just fine to me.” Dan said as a greeting.  
“You sound just like a dickhead to me.” PJ said mockingly.  
“Thanks.”  
“Any time.”  
“I’m serious, how are you?” Dan asked a little anxiously.  
“I’m fine apart from the fact that someone decided to call me.”  
“People…” Dan said and pretended to be shocked.  
“I know.” PJ said seriously and Dan started laughing. PJ joined in but stopped after a few moments with a hissing sound.  
“You alright?” Dan asked, all laughter gone.  
“Yeah, laughing apparently hurts, I hadn’t had an opportunity to check thus far.” PJ said his voice relaxing again.  
“You’ve been reading Shakespeare again.” Dan stated, it wasn’t really a question, PJ always spoke all queerly when he had been reading Shakespeare. Dan loved Shakespeare as well but he hoped he didn’t turn into a maniac whenever he had just read it.   
“My body needs healing as does my soul so let mine reading not be bothered by you.” PJ said.  
“I’m really glad you’re better again.” Dan said smiling. He knew when PJ spoke like this no real pain or damage could still be involved. Apart from the pain while laughing PJ was already full on his old self.   
“’guess it was the shock.” PJ said.   
“You will come to the trip, won’t you?” Dan asked timidly.  
“As if anything could stop me from going.” PJ laughed.  
“Who will you sleep with?” Dan asked.  
“Daniel Howell, I forbid you to ask me such questions.” PJ said in a teacher’s voice.  
“Heavens, I’m sorry, who’s your roommate?” Dan corrected himself while blushing furiously.  
“No one. Mrs Carter granted me the luxury of a one bed bedroom. I still can’t believe I have forgotten you in all that planning.” PJ said unbelievingly.  
“It’s alright now, forget it.” Dan said.   
They talked on for a little while longer about the trip and the things Dan should take and the things Dan should preferably leave at home. PJ really seemed like not much damage had come to him and Dan was awfully glad for that. When they hung up Dan was left packing and unpacking things all Saturday and Sunday before the trip started on Monday. He could rarely decide what he definitely wanted to take and what was better off left at home. All this time was still not enough to brace himself for a week alone with Phil in one room. Okay, he wasn’t completely alone but spending his nights with Phil had a certain note to it so that Dan couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. I hope you enjoyed it! (Btw the school trip I tagged the second I started posting this phanfic WILL happen eventually! No worries!) <3 Feel free to leave comments and kudos! <3


	17. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I'm late. :/ I'm sorry! I'll hope you'll still be able to enjoy it! <3

PHIL’S POV

The rest of Friday was torture, pure torture. Luckily Matt had been send home but Phil still didn’t feel safe or easy. He was constantly turning around, fearing that someone might attack him. Someone linked with Matt or perhaps someone linked with PJ who wanted to take revenge on him because Matt wasn’t around. If that would have been the case, Phil couldn’t even have blamed the person, after all his fall out with Matt had been most recent and perhaps some people still daren’t see the change for good Phil was about to make. And on top of those feelings of being followed Phil couldn’t think of nearly anything else but Dan. Today had been the first time they had actually spoken to one another apart from that one disastrous conversation they had had when Phil wanted to warn Dan that something might happen to Adrian. Once again the circumstances were certainly not the best but it might have still turned out alright if Phil’s brain hadn’t decided to stop working. Now after the two disasters of a conversation that happened today Phil was left with the conviction that Dan despised him and that he was disgusted by Phil and by the possibility of Phil having feelings for him. Why else would he have reacted the way he did when Phil said it could have been him that was injured because it could as well been him that tore the poster down? Why else would he react the way he did after Phil told him he could come to the trip? Deep down Phil knew that he had a narrowed sight on things, Dan’s best friend had been injured and all the things Phil had said hadn’t been recognized as well meant and therefore provoked a certain behaviour within Dan. But as Phil couldn’t see as far as that he was convinced that all hope was lost and that he would have a miserable time on the trip even if or especially as Dan was now coming along.   
Phil went home with the feeling of being cast out by the whole school. He felt like a stranger among the other pupils. Still he didn’t let his old personality come to the surface. He stayed calm, outwardly, and behaved like a decent person. Only when he was back home in his room his façade fell and he broke down. He fell on his bed and sighed several times. He buried his head in his pillow for a while until he calmed down again. This took him several minutes and he was quite tired when he was done. Without having any control whatsoever over the situation, Phil’s eyes fell shut and he was sound asleep before he knew it.   
Late at night on Friday Phil woke up. He was disorientated for a few seconds. The way he was laying he nearly didn’t recognize his own room. After he made sure he was actually laying in his room he sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. Then he took out his watch and checked the time. It really was as late as it appeared to be: half past eleven. Phil sighed and knew that he would hardly get back to sleep till 6 o’clock in the morning. If he was destined to stay up that late he could as well do something productive. This was entirely new to Phil and he was already ashamed for it being so.   
After he looked around his room for a bit he decided to clean out the mess he has made over the past few months (!) and eventually even start packing for the trip. Lately he had always been one to throw on a few clean clothes, they all looked the same any ways, a few minutes before he was driving away. For once he decided to actually plan what to take. That turned out to be pretty hard because he had no clue what exactly was left in his cupboard. After having put all the rubbish into his bin, he decided he wouldn’t come far if he wouldn’t clear out his wardrobe entirely. That was going to be some hard work but it was only half past midnight now and Phil wasn’t feeling a tad tired. He got his phone and some headphones and started the monstrous amount of work.   
Phil actually had quite a fun time when he reached to the depths of his wardrobe. There were pieces of clothes left in there, all colourful, that were too small for him but that bore some lovely memories. One of the ugliest sweaters in human history had been the “price” of a bet Martyn and him had made, to the discomfort of their parents. Phil didn’t quite remember what it had been about but he did remember that Martyn had planned all along to lose the bet and make Phil buy and wear the jumper, he knew was ugly. Phil had been a bit younger than Martyn but apparently that was enough age difference to fall for a stupid prank. Phil decided to keep that particular sweater.   
In the end Phil was definitely exhausted but it was worth it. He had never known that the backside of his drawer were a bright red. He knew that now. He had also found some colourful shirts that he had forgotten existed when he had only been wearing black all the time. Now for instance he was wearing a bright purple one with a funny smiling face on it. He probably wouldn’t dare to show himself like this in school for the fear of being mocked but he had no problem wearing them at home.   
In the result of his wardrobe clear-out Phil had a rather large pile of clothes he would give is mum who would then give it to friends or charity. He also had a huge pile of black clothes that were too new to give away already. He would probably continue wearing black skinny jeans forever and simply add some colour one by one to his shirts. There were three piles in his room now, the one which would go away, the one that was sadly too good to give away and one which was rather tiny but which held within some of Phil’s most beloved shirts when he had been younger and some colourful ones he knew he would start loving, starting now. With an organised wardrobe it wasn’t too hard at all to pack for the trip. The writing of the list had been hard but actually choosing things now was easy. However Phil quickly found out that his chosen clothes were too warm for the weather. He literally only had black skinny jeans in his closet. There was nothing short to find. He was sure he would survive but decided to ask his mother the next morning, let’s say afternoon.   
His mother had just come back in from the garden when he was about to have a snack in the kitchen. He turned to her and smiled insecurely.   
“That is a lovely shirt, dear.” she said and smiled. “Have you been up late again?” she asked and helped herself to some water from the tap.   
“I have but I have started packing.” Phil said, rather proud of himself.  
“Good.”   
Phil’s mum was about to turn away so Phil quickly said: “Turns out I don’t really have any clothes fitting for this weather. I don’t think I need any, jeans will do, but I thought I’d ask.” Phil said and shrugged.   
“Sure, dear. Shall we go into town and buy you a few bits and pieces?”   
“That would be great. By the way, I do have some things for charity, if you don’t mind.”  
“I think that’s a great idea! Now, change quickly and we can get going.” his mother said. She came close to him, ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead: “It’s lovely to have you back. I missed you but I knew you’d come back eventually.”   
“Thanks for having more faith than me.” Phil said and blushed.   
“Any time.”   
The afternoon was well spent in town. Phil’s mother urged him to have ice cream with her and they talked a good deal about nothing and everything. Some time they came to speak of PJ. Phil’s mum innocently asked if he had seen him lately and how he was doing. Phil now felt obliged to tell her what had happened in school. Not once did she think that Phil might have been part or good have done anything better than he did. Phil was extremely grateful for that. In the end he still regretted to have told her the story because now she insisted that he bought Phil some of his favourite chocolate and a board game. Phil knew just as well as his mum that those presents would be more than welcome but he felt weird buying them nonetheless.   
When they came home Phil’s mum pushed him towards PJ’s home, handed him the presents and closed the door right into his face. Phil walked over to PJ’s home uneasily, rang the doorbell uneasily and talked to PJ’s mum surprisingly easily. He handed her the things for PJ not requiring if he could see him, that would have been a tad too weird, and left making her tell PJ that he wished him a good recovery. She assured him he was already doing far better now and Phil was after all thankful that his mother had made him go.


	18. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Dan was awfully glad to see PJ standing before him, smiling widely. Every last bit of damage that the attack had caused had been whisked away by the excitement that was the trip, PJ himself had planned.   
Everything went smoothly from the start of the trip to the arrival at a small hotel. Dan sat next to PJ the whole way, eating chocolate that had been given to PJ as a get-well-soon-gift. The trip was pleasant enough with PJ by Dan’s side and yet however animatedly they spoke Dan was always painfully aware of the blue eyes that were watching every now and then. Dan felt obliged to pretend not to care and ignore the blue sapphires as well as he could but in the end it was obvious that PJ knew what he tried to do. He was merciful enough to not express it openly, if he would have done that Dan was positive he would have fainted of embarrassment.   
Towards the end of the trip PJ got up and walked to the front of the bus to make an announcement.   
“We’ll soon be there folks. I’ll tell you all the details Mrs Carter and I think that would interest you at dinner, until then please see that your stuff is brought up into your rooms. You all know your roommates, right? And see that you are on point, thanks.” PJ concluded with what was supposed to be a stern face but looked more like a pouting puppy.  
“Ich deutsch nicht bin.” One of Matt’s fellow associates called through the bus. Dan had never been a genius in German but he was pretty sure one couldn’t have made any more mistakes in that sentence. PJ thought so to but did not know quite what to answer but luckily Mrs Carter came to his rescue: “Pünktlichkeit? Das ist ein Vorurteil.” She was saying that calmly but Dan could see the triumphant glimmer in her eyes. The boy was silenced and the rest of the journey, so to say the last five minutes passed uneventfully.   
When they reached the small hotel PJ was the first to get off the bus, he stood there, arms wide open and breathed in the air, sadly neither air nor view were magnificent so his gesture was quite ridiculous and Dan found himself snickering. He heard someone else join in, PJ turned around laughing, his smile faltered a little and Dan turned around as well, it was Phil that he had heard joining in the snickering. Dan blushed and quickly went to get his suitcase. Nevertheless he heard Phil address PJ: “Sorry but I seem to not have any roommate, I want to ask if there has been a replacement.” A cold shiver ran down Dan’s back. Phil hadn’t been informed that he would be his roommate. Dan bend a bit further down into the bus, he hadn’t even started looking for his suitcase otherwise he would have noticed that it was already standing next the bus, he simply wanted to not have to witness a bomb exploding when PJ told Phil about the roommate thing.   
“Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you, something came in-between.” PJ said and laughed. Dan nearly fell over as he heard Phil gently answering the laugh.   
“So yeah, Mrs Carter paired you with Dan as he is literally the replacement for Matt.” PJ said, Dan was surprised to hear PJ talk as calmly about what had happened. Dan would have certainly spit Matt’s name out and he would have stuttered or worse blushed when telling Phil about the “replacement”.   
“Oh.” Phil answered quietly. Dan who had expected a bomb to explode now actually fell over and landed unattractively inside the storeroom of the bus.  
“Bother.” He muttered and tried to untangle himself from the cords of a suitcase. Suddenly two warm hands grabbed his arm and gently pulled him out. Dan simply knew that it was Phil who had helped him, so he blushed even before he turned around.  
“Thank you.” He mumbled and pretended not to hear the shameless giggle coming from PJ’s direction. When Phil had turned away Dan snapped: “PJ, can you help me find my things?”   
PJ started laughing even louder then, Dan spun around and saw Phil holding them embarrassedly out to him.   
“Thanks.” He mumbled, took them and walked over to PJ, pulled him by the arm and rescued himself into the building.  
“You are a clumsy embarrassment on two legs.” PJ said between laughs.   
“I take that as a compliment.” Dan said exhaustedly.  
“As it was intended.” PJ said innocently.   
“You are unbelievable.” Dan groaned.  
“I need to be, otherwise you’d never notice how foolish you behaved.” PJ said.   
“Don’t worry, I noticed.” Dan sighed. PJ decided not to answer anything to that. “Can you please help me find my room?”   
“Sure, you just have to go up that flight of stairs and follow the hallway till the end. My room his in the second floor, the first one on the right if you happen to need to seek shelter because you did something.” PJ said and started laughing again.  
“Thanks for building up my courage, mate.” Dan said and poked out his tongue to him.  
“Any time, Danny.”   
“That went too far.” Dan said shocked.  
“Won’t do it again, Danny boy.” PJ said, visibly enjoying himself.   
“Bye.” Dan said and turned to walk up the stairs. He took a deep breath before he entered “his” room only to find it empty. Now that he thought about it that was quite obvious as he hadn’t seen Phil pass him in the entrance hall. Dan stood in a sparsely furnished room. There were two beds one on the right side of the door and one beneath a moderate window. Apart from that there was a small table which looked like it was about to break into piece once you touched it, two similar looking chairs and two wardrobes against a yellow wall, between the two beds. Dan would prefer to be sleeping next to the door due to an inexplicable fear of moths. He felt like they would attack him more severely when he was lying under a window. No matter which bed Dan preferred, he decided to wait for Phil to make the decision.   
Just as he had had that thought there was a knock on the door.  
“You don’t have to knock!” Dan called and blushed. The door opened and a similar flushed Phil was standing in front of it.   
“Sorry, bad habit.” Phil said and smiled which looked a bit more like he was in pain than a smile, if Dan was being completely honest but as he hadn’t seen Phil smile at all actually he thought that a smile like that should be enough for a start. Dan let him drag his things inside and let him arrive before he asked: “Which bed would you like to have?”   
“The window one, to be honest, if that’s alright.” Phil said and the smile turned a bit more genuine.   
“Perfect.” Dan said and returned the smile carefully.   
They unpacked their things quietly, sometimes nearly running into one another which resulted in them both apologizing over and over again. When Dan had finished with his things he sat down on his bed and noticed horrified that his mission of telling himself free from Phil had failed so far, if anything he has even become closer than he had ever been. Dan reflected his behaviour and became aware that it has been quite similar to a teenage boy. Okay, to be fair Dan was legally still a teenage boy but that didn’t mean he necessarily had to act like one as well. It would take a great deal of self-control to start acting reasonably or so to say it would take a great deal before Dan would be able to act like he had not developed a serious crush on Phil.   
For the rest of the time they had to spend on the room before they could go downstairs, Dan hardly spoke to Phil and when he did he did his best to appear icy and while doing so he also pretended not to see the sadness hiding behind Phil’s eyes, that was perhaps only his brain trying to meddle with him, so it was certainly better to be safe than sorry, right?   
When they finally found it was time to not be down too early they made their way downstairs, not talking. Dan immediately went over to PJ.  
“How is everything?” PJ asked excitedly.  
“Marvellous.” Dan said only half sarcastic. He knew PJ had worked hard, even if he only was told so quite recently, and he wanted to show him that so far everything, apart from the fact that Dan couldn’t control his own actions, was brilliant.   
“Might I invite you to dine next to me? We’ll have a splendid time.”   
“There is no way you have found time to read Shakespeare just now.” was Dan’s only reply. PJ smiled and they made their way into the dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! :) We'll see each other on Wednesday. I promise I'll be on time! <3


	19. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something to cheer you up half way through the week! Enjoy! <3

PHIL’S POV

He definitely needed that hour at the dining table to rebuild his confidence and also the fort to keep his feelings safe. Phil was quite sure that Dan was disgusted by the fact that he had to share a room with him. If it wouldn’t have been for PJ who would certainly disapprove, he would have already asked if he could switch partner or perhaps sleep in the hallway. Dan felt visibly uneasy around Phil and he couldn’t quite tell why but he understood nevertheless. For Phil there seemed to be two explanations: one of them being that Dan sensed that Phil had a crush on him and was therefore disgusted and the other one being that he couldn’t quite stand Phil because of the stupid remarks Phil had made on Friday. Phil understood now that the phrasing has been most wrongly chosen whenever he had tried to talk to Dan. He couldn’t have been more insulting or less respectful.   
Phil sighed and slowly ate his dinner, no matter how weird it felt like coming late into their room, no the room they shared, not their room, at least according to Dan, Phil was sure. He had lost his track… Yes, coming late no matter how bad it was would still enable him to leave Dan alone, if he would be eating fast and finishing before anyone else the time they spend together would start sooner and the later the better, even though Phil yearned for being with him. Phil had made himself promise that he would only ever do that when Dan had given his consent and as actions tend to speak louder than words, there was no way Phil would hurl himself at Dan. His new motto of the happiness of others coming before his own practically forced him to eat as slowly as he could.   
The result of his oh so clever plan was that Mrs Carter suddenly sat down next to him.  
“May I?” she asked. There was no way Phil could refuse her smiling face. She sat down next to him and scrutinized him. It felt like Phil had forgotten how to eat. He slowed down a bit more and hoped that Mrs Carter would either start to talk or at least stop looking at him like that.   
“You quite alright?” Mrs Carter asked after she had stared at Phil for a while longer.  
“Yes, thank you.” Phil answered uneasily.  
“No one thinks you are guilty.” Mrs Carter said reassuringly.  
“I didn’t think they would up till now.” Phil answered smiling.  
“Sorry, dear. Why are you eating like it’s the hardest task ever laid upon you then?” Mrs Carter asked, she wasn’t the least embarrassed that her notion had been wrong.  
“Change is difficult.” Phil said after a while of deciding how to put what he felt.  
“It certainly is but you are doing marvellously.” Mrs Carter said encouragingly.   
“Do you really think so?” Phil sighed.  
“Of course! Nobody would associate you with Matt anymore. That is to say something. I personally have never seen a change for good taking place as fast as yours did.”   
“Thanks, I guess.” Phil said and smiled tiredly.  
“No one said it would be easy.” Mrs Carter said.  
“I know. Being nice isn’t as hard as I feared it might be.” Phil said and a genuine smile escaped his lips. “But change altogether is exhausting.”   
“You’re on a good way.” Mrs Carter said and patted his back. She got up then and left with a last smile. Phil looked around and saw that he was alone in the large and quite dark dining room. He finished his meal like a normal human being, he ate at a normal speed so to say, brought his dishes over to the staff of the hotel and slowly made his way up to his room. When he was standing in front of the door he contemplated whether to knock or not, he decided not to in the end and carefully opened the door. He found the room to be empty. He exhaled and noticed that he was disappointed, he scolded himself for thinking so, as Dan would never approve of him doing so. Phil closed the door with a sigh and hit the light switch, the first time he missed the switch by a good deal and full on slapped the wall in process, he cursed under his breath. He looked for the switch the next time and gently pressed it instead of slamming a second time. The light went on. It flickered a little but turned out to be quite stable. The room was dimly lit now and Phil could easily make his way over to his bed. He opened the window and sat down on his bed, when he had been younger the only place he would voluntarily sit on was his window still, his room at been on the ground floor so it hadn’t mattered much that one time he accidently fell asleep and fell out of it. The result was a nearly broken wrist and a mother that forbid him to ever sit on a window still. There had never been another accident ever since but Phil didn’t dare sit on the wobbly looking window still for the fear of falling asleep. So he simply sat on his bed, looking out of the window. The evening air was mild and it was beautiful to hear the last few birds singing. Phil didn’t pay any attention to his thoughts so when the door suddenly opened he found himself dreaming about fairy tale land where he saved Dan from a troll which surprisingly had a huge similarity with Matt. So when the door opened and Dan practically stormed inside Phil found himself blushing deeply.  
“Oh, so you’re here after all.” Dan stated. A cold shiver ran down Phil’s spine. It was obvious that he had wished Phil had somehow vanished. Phil grunted in response and turned away to hide his blush, which had deepened even further.   
“Spending my evening at PJ’s.” Dan mumbled and Phil failed to notice the note of guilt mixed into Dan’s reply. All he heard was that Dan wanted to leave the room as quickly as possible. Phil sighed under his breath and nodded to let Dan know he heard what he said, Dan obviously did not want his approval or anything so nodding would do just fine.   
Dan left a few moments later, he had simply come to the room to gather some sweets. When Phil was alone again he exhaled and sighed at the same time which resulted in him having hiccups for the next few minutes. He always managed to do the nearly impossible, so to say he always managed to do weird things with his body without paying attention which usually resulted in him having nasty hiccups. Luckily Dan was away, Phil could not stand having hiccups when others were around he always felt like he had to supress them in some way which mostly resulted in him having a coughing fit. Phil was now as content as he could be with hiccups bothering him.   
For the next few minutes Phil patiently lay on his back humming a tone with his fingers in his ears. If someone would have seen him they would probably think him mad but for curing hiccups one had to do weird things. Phil had once heard that putting your fingers in your ears while humming a note would end the hiccups, so far he had always had good results so he claimed that method the only way of curing hiccups.   
After about ten minutes of humming Phil thought he had heard the door opening. He quickly sat up but there was no one to be seen. He breathed out relieved and promptly the hiccups started again. It took him another seven minutes to cure his hiccups. When he was finally lying on the bed without any hiccups in sight he noticed that he was quite sleepy. He quickly changed into his pyjamas and fell asleep instantly, it was still quite early for doing so but Phil decided to trust his instincts, of going to sleep now.


	20. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Dinner and talking in PJ’s room afterwards were as nice as Dan had hoped for. The whole way through nasty thoughts about Phil being with someone else nagged him but he managed to enjoy himself nevertheless. He once went back to get sweets out of his room. He was positively surprised to see Phil sitting on his bed and not with … anyone really. Dan snapped something at him and regretted it immediately, quickly mumbling where he was going to, even if Phil obviously did not pay attention as quickly as he had turned around. Back in PJ’s room it took him a few minutes to be able to forget, or rather push thoughts about Phil aside. He simply wondered how he could have been so friendly and so human like earlier at the bus and how cold he was behaving right now. Dan failed to think about the fact that he himself and his behaviour might have an impact on Phil’s behaviour as well, so he simply thought about what had gotten into Phil. Well, he thought about it until PJ audibly cleared his throat and looked at him with a smirk. Dan promptly pushed all thoughts about Phil aside and concentrated on the conversation.  
A few minutes later PJ made Dan go back to their room to get a book they have been talking about. Dan stood in front of their door for a few moments, it would be embarrassing to burst into the room like he did a few minutes ago, this time he would carefully open the door.   
Dan stood and stared at Phil who was lying flat on his bed, fingers in his ears, humming a note. It would have been better if Dan was weirded out by this but sadly it had about the contrary effect on him. His heart started beating faster and he knew he had to leave quickly. Seeing Phil was and had always been a reason, for Dan’s heart at least, for weird behaviour but hearing the soft note he was humming was something completely different, it nearly was torture for Dan whose breath decided to quicken on top of everything. He stumbled backwards and closed the door. He quickly walked over to PJ’s room but waited a few minutes to gather himself. Theoretically Dan knew that this had to stop but it was feeling so good at the same time! Dan sighed and went back inside, noticing that he hadn’t even thought about the book.  
“Couldn’t find it, I’ll bring it tomorrow.” He excused himself. PJ nodded absently. He had already forgotten about the book. Meanwhile he was working on the schedule for the next day. The whole group would be going hiking, Dan had never liked sport in anyway, unless people on TV did it for him but there wouldn’t be any excuse for this. PJ had promised it wouldn’t be too hard and that they would get a lovely lunch afterwards. Dan was soothed by this thoughts but he wouldn’t have complained anyways, seeing that PJ was awfully excited for everything apparently.   
Dan and PJ talked on for the majority of the night. They did not notice how late it was until both of them started to yawn and finally someone checked the time. Dan bid PJ a good night and quickly hurried over to his room. He quietly opened the door and meant to get into his bed just as quietly. Unfortunately there a chair standing in his way which he did not see. He walked into it, which made it fall over and him swear loudly before he bid his tongue. He looked over to Phil but it looked like he was sleeping. Dan quickly walked the last steps to his bed, without bothering to put the chair back up, he quickly undressed and got into his pyjamas and lay down. He fumbled a little with his bedsheets as suddenly a big moth landed on his face, without thinking about the outgo Dan started screaming. For a good five seconds. The moth had already flown away again but Dan still trembled. Suddenly warm hands began rubbing his arms and a soft voice said: “You’re clumsy and afraid of moths, is there anything else I need to know?”  
Dan gulped and looked into Phil’s deep blue smiling eyes.   
“How d’you know I’m clumsy?” Dan asked, still in shock. He knew that his behaviour was ridiculous for a lot of people but he couldn’t help being scared of moths.   
“First of all that chair incident woke me and secondly I did saw you fall into the bus, didn’t I?” Phil said and laughed softly.  
Dan was blushing. Both times he had hoped Phil wouldn’t notice. It was weird to be talking to him like this but it was the best kind of weird.  
“How did the moths get inside?” Dan asked, oblivious to the open window.  
“Oh, that must have been me, involuntarily. I love fresh air so I opened the window, I can close it!” Phil said and already wanted to stand up.  
“No.” Dan said quickly. “That’s alright. I simply wondered… never mind. It’s already quite nice that you take me seriously.” Dan added and blushed.  
“Of course!” Phil said earnestly. “Your scream did not permit any other behaviour.”   
Dan blushed again and mumbled something incoherently. Phil smiled at him and rubbed his arms a little bit. Dan blushed further, having forgotten that Phil was still touching him.   
“So, anything else I need to know before I go back to sleep?” Phil asked after a while.  
“You already know enough.” Dan said and meant it to be just as friendly as Phil’s question.  
“Right.” Phil said sharply and got up. “Good night.”  
Dan sighed quietly. He suddenly felt absurdly cold, he pulled the sheets firmer around him and went to sleep knowing that he had messed up a perfectly nice situation. Before his eyes fell shut he contemplated whether he should be glad Phil was thinking him indifferent or if he should make things right again.   
Dan slept relatively well that night and he did not dream about Phil at all. Not at all. Before opening his eyes he had made up his mind to let Phil believe that he was indifferent. However when Dan saw Phil with messy bed hair and glasses sitting crookedly on his nose he couldn’t stand the thought of Phil not being friendly with him.   
“Good morning.” Dan said shyly.   
“Good Morning.” Phil said in a deep voice and smiled. However memories seemed to flow back because he looked suspiciously at Dan.   
“Sorry for disturbing your sleep.” Dan mumbled and couldn’t fight the blush.   
“That’s alright.” Phil answered and smiled a little.   
“I’m obsessed with symmetricity.” Dan burst out. Phil looked at him a little frightened but then burst out laughing. Dan felt he needed to explain so he quickly said: “You asked what else you should know about me, so, I’m obsessed with symmetricity and I have watched too much Winnie the Pooh in my childhood that’s why I sound like him, or so the nice guys at my old school used to tell me.”   
“You do but it’s cute.” Phil said. Luckily PJ speared Dan the need to answer for he came bursting into the room. “Good morning fellow contestants of the most epic trip any school ever made! Are you ready to hike?”   
“No I first have to put in my thirds otherwise I won’t be able to eat.” Dan mocked PJ.   
“Oi! This isn’t a trip for old people. It’s for nearly adults that desperately try to be young for one last week.” PJ said proudly.   
“You’re doing a great job.” Dan said and risked a slap from PJ.  
“It seems like you had a too good night’s sleep.” PJ said and squinted his eyes. Dan blushed and PJ had mercy and didn’t continue interrogating Dan.   
“Almost finished.” Dan said and put on his jeans and sweater. He had always had a fable for either pastel clothes or entirely black outfits. He had no explanation as to why that was so. For a long time now he didn’t feel like wearing black and neither did he that day so his whole outfit looked a bit like an ice cream shop. Phil, so Dan noticed, was still wearing mostly black, he looked absolutely divine in it but Dan felt like there was some colour missing because Phil looked a bit like a vampire, a good look but perhaps something you shouldn’t want to look like unless it was Halloween.   
When they were all finished they went out of the room, Phil let himself fall back a little. PJ took that as an opportunity to tell Dan: “He was positively starring at you.”   
“Who?” Dan asked dumbfounded.   
“You know who.”  
“Voldemort?”  
“Oh you are so funny, Daniel Howell. Those jokes must be centuries old.”  
“Can’t be for Harry Potter isn’t that old yet, first book written in the 90s, remember?”  
“Stop it and concentrate!” PJ warned him.   
“Yeah, alright.”  
“So, I was saying that HE has been positively STARRING at YOU.” PJ said stressing some words unnecessarily. Dan simply nodded in reply because they had reached the dining hall and he really didn’t want this to be publicly discussed.   
The rest of the day was nice but in regards to Phil up to dinner uneventful. Every now and then Dan thought he had felt his glace on him but whenever he tried to check Phil was doing something entirely different. The hiking was just as PJ had promised, not too long, not too hard and with a tasty lunch afterward. The rest of the afternoon was spend playing board games in the dining room until dinner, afterwards everybody was allowed to do just about everything they liked. No matter how dull the program might seem to outsiders it was actually quite nice to not have to do too much to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you again on Saturday! Leave a comment and kudos if you feel like it! <3 :)


	21. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! <3 Bad weather and a cold won't stop me uploading the new chapters, so there you go: have fun and enjoy! :)

PHIL’S POV

The whole Tuesday Phil was being tortured. Not intentionally by any means but it was torture nevertheless. Dan seemed quite unaware of the effect he had on Phil. Well, he obviously was unaware of it, even though he had seemed rather friendly in the morning. Dan was the reason for Phil’s torture. It had started on the night to Tuesday when he had woken Phil with that chair and oblivious to that fact undressed in front of his very eyes. Phil only was able to forget the image when Dan started screaming, he knew he had to help him. Afterwards it was terribly funny that Dan was afraid of moths but in the situation Phil hadn’t thought about anything but helping him as best as he could. Luckily Dan seemed thankful for Phil’s help, a nanosecond he had feared Dan would scream even louder when Phil tried to help him.  
The next morning the torture continued in the same way, this time Dan was dressing from his pyjamas to his pastel clothes. Phil nearly couldn’t bare how cute Dan looked so it was very fortunate for him that PJ decided to burst into the room, that way he could also forget that he had just called Dan cute out loud. When they went to eat breakfast Phil stayed behind to be able to breathe a little bit. Sadly that also turned out to be torture because Dan started laughing. Phil hadn’t had many opportunities to hear him laugh so these few seconds already made his heart beat go quicker. Phil was ashamed that the simplest things Dan did had such a huge impact on him.   
Later when they went hiking Phil always stayed near to Dan which was a way of torturing himself but he also felt like he couldn’t stay away, as if a force made him stay near to Dan. He once wanted to give his mind a rest and let his eyes wander around, only to find that they have landed on Dan’s bottom, which was the worst thing they could have done. Phil’s breath hitched and he quickly tore his gaze away, not watching where he was walking and promptly tripping over a root. Phil managed to catch himself mid-air and decided he would go as far away from Dan as that mysterious force allowed him to.   
Phil was exhausted when the trip was over and even more so after the gaming afternoon. At times he felt like he would burst when Dan started laughing, talking and at the really bad times, even when he started breathing. Phil constantly wanted the ground to swallow him up but no such luck. He stayed where he was, on the same level as all the other people around him. After dinner Phil quickly went up and fell down on his bed. After a few deep breaths he had regained his composition, he stayed in his lying down position nevertheless.  
A few minutes later Dan burst into the room, not holding onto the door and therefore letting it bang into the wall. “Oh bother, did I wake you? I didn’t mean to.” Dan said quickly and closed the door as quietly as he could.  
“No, that’s alright. I wasn’t even sleeping.” Phil answered with a smile which might have been a bit forced due to the fact that this situation nearly already was too much for him to handle.   
“Good.” Dan said and gave Phil a relieved smile.   
“Where are you going? PJ?” Phil asked and sat up.  
“I… well. I wasn’t… I… Actually I planned on staying here, if that’s alright.” Dan said at last. Phil smiled affectionately.  
“Of course you can stay here, this is also your room after all.” Phil answered.  
“Will you stay as well?” Dan asked timidly.   
“Sure.” Phil said and tried to act like the question had had a huge impact on him.   
Dan settled down comfortably on his bed and kicked his shoes off. The whole way through Phil practically starred at him. Dan looked up and noticed Phil’s stare, blushing immediately.  
“Do I have something on my face?” Dan asked and started rubbing his cheek.  
“No. I… I was just… I like your jumper.” Phil said pathetically.   
“Thanks.” Dan said and blushed.   
No one said anything for a while, they both pretended to be interested by something next to them. After a while Dan asked carefully: “So, how did you find the day?”  
Without thinking Phil answered: “Torture.” He looked just as shocked as Dan when he realised what he had said. Great, now he had to think of an explanation, not involving Dan. Luckily Dan took that part and said: “Oh, I never liked sport either but today was fine, I guess.”   
“You’re right. I have never been one to hike but the games were fun.”   
“Oh, I love board games.” Dan said passionately and Phil laughed.   
“Me too.” he added quickly, not to give Dan the wrong idea.   
“Second thing I know about you then.” Dan smiled.  
“Second?”  
“You told me you liked fresh air.” Dan said.  
“Doesn’t everyone?” Phil asked.  
“Oh.” Dan said, sounding a bit disappointed. “You’re right.”  
“I have an elder brother called Martyn.” Phil said and Dan’s smile returned.   
“I love random facts.” Dan answered.  
“Same.” Phil said and smiled broadly.   
“Do you think… I mean, is it possible… Wait. Do you think we could become friends?” Dan asked timidly. Phil smiled with a bit of bitterness mixed in between. He would love to become friends with Dan, obviously but the way Dan had said it also showed that there could never be more but friends was already more than he had hoped for.   
“Of course, if we keep on firing random facts at each other.” Phil said and simply had to smile when he saw how relieved Dan was.   
“I have a younger brother called Adrian.” Dan said.   
Phil froze and felt he needed to do some explaining. “Dan, listen. The poster thing you saw me with, I had just tore it down, I did not put it up, I swear I didn’t.”   
Dan’s eyes widened. “I… Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you explain yourself. I… It was meant to be a random fact. I… I believe you, even though I liked to think I had intimidated you.” Dan said and smiled carefully.   
“Oh, I think you did, I would have surely done something if I hadn’t already done something.” Phil said and laughed.   
“Thanks, I guess.” Dan said and smiled crookedly. Phil returned the smile and nodded, knowing that Dan possibly didn’t know the other things Phil had done.   
“Sorry, I guess.” Phil said after a while.  
“What for?” Dan asked and looked questioningly at Phil.  
“The way I acted on Friday. I meant to be friendly, I really did but it was all new to me again and…”   
“That’s alright. I know you didn’t mean the things you said.” Dan interrupted him and smiled kindly.  
“Oh, I did.” Phil mumbled.  
“Pardon?”  
“Nothing.” Phil said and smiled.  
“Speaking of PJ,” Dan started, “would you tell me what happened?”   
“To lose the tiny respect I just earned?” Phil asked and was as shocked as he sounded. “Okay. I will.” he said quickly because he saw the beginnings of a sad smile on Dan’s face. “PJ and I had been really good friends for a long time when I suddenly changed. I… Well, I was tired of being bullied and for me the only way out was to be a bully myself and PJ simply didn’t fit in that concept so ‘cold-hearted me’ simply dropped him. I’m not proud of that now!” Phil finished.  
“Was Matt really worth “dropping” PJ?” Dan asked doubtingly.  
“Of course not! But the result was relatively positive for me, I haven’t been bullied since.” Phil said and didn’t feel proud of that achievement at all. “I’ve started to change though.” Phil added quickly.  
“So I have seen. Otherwise you would hardly speak to me, would you?” Dan asked and it was meant to be a joke but Phil couldn’t help the sting he felt in his heart. Had he really been as awful as that it could give Dan the idea that he would never speak to him? Change was definitely necessary.   
“It’s a pity one can’t play board games with two people.” Phil said not saying anything to Dan’s last remark.  
“True. Oh, I could go and get PJ!” Dan said excitedly.   
“Yes!” Phil said, he was a little sad that the time alone with Dan was over but it was about time he showed PJ that he was more than willing to be his friend again.   
Dan quickly went over and PJ accompanied him. He smiled at Phil perhaps he sensed that their old friendship was going to live again.   
The rest of the evening was very agreeable for everyone and Phil hadn’t been as content as he was when he fell asleep in a long time, that might have been especially because Dan had said “Good night, Phil” in a kind voice but it was perhaps also because of the situation in general.


	22. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Phil had said yes to being friends! Dan’s first thought on Wednesday morning was none else than that. Of course Dan wanted more deep down but he was afraid of that wish himself so being friends was a lovely alternative. The evening with PJ had been a lot of fun. Dan had sometimes felt sick in the stomach when he had remembered that he had told Phil that he couldn’t understand how PJ ever wanted to be friends with him. Sometimes a doubting thought came to the surface, Dan knew Phil wanted to change but he still couldn’t be sure how much he wanted to change and how much he had already changed. Perhaps the bond with Matt was stronger than either of them thought. Dan had bravely tried to forget these things but now when he was lying silently on his bed in the morning, knowing that Phil was still sound asleep, he couldn’t help but to think about it again.   
A few minutes later Dan had knitted himself an uncomfortable jumper out of his dark thoughts and he practically yelped when Phil’s alarm clock went off. Phil sat up bolt right and looked around. He fingered for his glasses but them on and mustered Dan.   
“Is there another moth?” Phil asked sleepily with a wide smile.   
“No, sorry. Your alarm clock scared me.” Dan said and noticed too late how pathetic that sounded.  
“Oh, right.” Phil said amused and swung his legs out of his bed.   
“Don’t you dare laugh at me.” Dan grumbled while he sat up as well.  
“I wouldn’t ever dare.” Phil said as genuinely as that Dan couldn’t help the blush.   
“Good.” he said and poked out his tongue at Phil.   
“What has PJ planned for today?” Phil asked. “If it’s more hiking I’m going to kill him!”   
“Who are you going to kill?” PJ asked while he banged open the door.  
“Christ sake! You!” Phil shouted and laughed.   
“Oh, what have I done now?” PJ asked genuinely interested and sat down on one of the chairs eating a handful of crisps.  
“Perhaps nothing.” Phil shrugged. PJ looked questioningly at Dan who quickly explained: “Phil can’t stand any hiking. You better have some fun things planned or you won’t get out of here alive.”  
“Oh. Well. As it’s the middle of the week, like literally, Mrs Carter and I planned to go to a pathetic little amusement park not far away. The crappy ones are always the best fun.” PJ said proudly.  
“Nope.” Phil said. “Not going to murder you.” he added and laughed.   
“Glad that’s the case. Mrs Carter and I have said long ago that today is going to be a group kind of day, a group of three. You can call yourselves lucky that I am your friend because Mrs Carter isn’t going to show much mercy to the others, she plans on forming the groups herself.” PJ said and smiled.   
“It’s us three then?” Phil asked happily and Dan’s heart clenched at his cuteness.   
“Yep.” PJ said as if it wasn’t a big deal but he himself was smiling wider than Dan had ever seen.   
At breakfast Phil tentatively followed them to where they usually sat. He stood next to Dan for a while until PJ lost patience and pushed him onto the seat. Phil smiled thankfully and they had a funny meal together. Dan couldn’t wait for the amusement park. On the journey to said park Phil had to sit alone a few rows behind PJ and Dan. Dan felt sorry for him but Phil didn‘t seem to mind for when they got out of the bus he was smiling widely when PJ dragged him and Dan through the doors. PJ had been right, the park was pathetic but he was also right that the crappy ones were always the best fun. The park had once been pretty nice, about 50 years ago, but a few of the attractions still hadn’t lost their charm. There was a small merry-go-round on which Dan, Phil and PJ spend a good amount of time. There was a crappy rollercoaster which still managed to scare the crap out of him one time that he clasped Phil’s hand, he didn’t seem to mind though and held onto him for the rest of the ride which made Dan’s heart beat even faster but Phil really needn’t know that.   
The most popular thing amongst the students however was a big water slide where you sat in small plastic boats. You first went up on a long band which looked exactly like those in a supermarket. Then on the highest point the boat was set free and you slid down a broad slide. You even had control over who was sitting the furthest down and therefore who would get the wettest.   
After a couple of times PJ declared he couldn’t take either the speed nor the water any more so Dan and Phil went alone. Not matter what they did Dan was always the one who got showered in the medium warm water. The fifth time without PJ was as bad as that Dan got soaking wet. Phil forbid him to go on and pulled him towards PJ who was laughing uncontrollably.  
“V…v… very funny. Do… d…d…do you h…h…have a…a.a…a tow…to…towel?” Dan asked PJ who laughed even more now. Phil shook his head and made Dan put up his arms. Without asking he pulled up Dan’s jumper then he got out of his own and put it over Dan’s head. Dan had already begun to heat up when he saw Phil’s shirt riding up along his jumper but actually wearing the jumper which was slightly bigger than his own and smelled comfortably like Phil made his stuttering stop instantly.   
“Thanks.” he said with red cheeks. “How did you stay dry the whole time?” Dan asked and snuggled into the jumper.  
“Talent.” Phil said and shrugged. Dan started laughing and they went over to the small café. PJ bought Dan a hot chocolate to say sorry for his laughing. Dan told PJ he shouldn’t have but took the hot chocolate nevertheless.   
The day was a success. Dan enjoyed every second of it, on the way back he was so tired that he fell asleep against the bus window, still wearing Phil’s jumper. Even when they reached the hotel they were staying in Dan was still fast asleep. Someone softly shook Dan awake. He expected it to be PJ, as he had been sitting next to him at the start of the journey, but it was Phil. Dan blushed and sat up.   
“Where is PJ?” Dan asked and looked around.  
“He said he urgently needed to organize something. He made me wake you, sorry.” Phil said apologetically.  
“That’s alright.” Dan grinned and yawned shortly afterwards.  
“Quick, let’s eat dinner and then you can sleep.” Phil said. Dan wondered how he had apparently always admired him without knowing this side of him. Dan was slowly but surely falling for Phil. Okay, perhaps not that slowly but his crush was definitely developing. It was a shame, the new found friendship would soon be destroyed, simply because Dan’s heart couldn’t act rationally around a cute boy.   
“’kay.” Dan said and followed Phil out of the bus into the warm dining hall. The whole way through he was wearing Phil’s jumper. He was proud to be allowed to wear it but at the same time he wouldn’t want anyone to think something Phil would surely feel uneasy about. Therefore he ate as fast as he could to get up into his room. When Phil saw that Dan had already finished he took a last bite and declared that he had eaten far enough already.  
“I don’t want you to be hungry because of me.” Dan said.  
“I don’t want you to be cold because of me.” Phil retorted.  
“It wasn’t your fault!”  
“But it would be now if I wouldn’t stop and come up with you.” Phil explained. Dan nearly said that he did not have to come up for him to get warm again but he decided against it because he wanted Phil to accompany him, there was no use denying it.  
“Okay. But then you have to eat some of my snacks.” Dan said.  
“Okay.” Phil smiled and got up.   
Up in their room Phil quickly closed the window. “But the fresh air!” Dan complained. “But the cold air!” Phil corrected him and turned the heating up.  
“I’m not that cold.” Dan said. Phil suddenly turned around and grabbed his hands. He looked deep into his eyes and smiled. “Yes you are.” he said and let Dan’s hands fall down again. Dan blushed and turned around. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Phil had done so too. He quickly got out of Phil’s jumper and discarded his wet shirt from underneath. The cold air hitting his still faintly wet and bare chest made Dan hiss and he quickly put on his sleeping shirt. Getting out of his jeans required a bit more effort but after he had finished he quickly put on his pyjama pants. As he turned around he saw Phil staring at him, Dan blushed and occupied himself with putting on warm socks. When he looked up again Phil was searching things together. Dan got up and went over to his wardrobe, a mirror was inside the door. When he saw his reflection he yelped. Phil let his things fall down and quickly went over to him.  
“What is it?” Phil asked scared.  
“Oh, um. Nothing.”  
“Why did you yelp then?” Phil asked.  
“It’s just… my hair. I look ridiculous. I had nearly forgotten its nasty habit of curling whenever it only got slightly wet.” Dan mumbled and blushed.  
“I think you look cute.” Phil said absently. He blushed a little while later and said hurriedly: “I go and have a shower.” He grabbed his things and off he went.  
With a content feeling in his stomach Dan went over to his bed. He grabbed Phil’s jumper and pulled it over him, he hoped Phil wouldn’t mind, perhaps he would simply get out of it before he came back.   
Dan did not quite manage to do that because he was already asleep in a sitting position when Phil came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today! <3 Not a lot chapters left. Enjoy them while they last! ;) <3 Comments and kudos would make me feel a whole lot better! See you on Wednesday! :)


	23. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! <3 I hope you enjoy! :)

PHIL’S POV

Twice! Phil had called Dan cute twice already! Not that he was telling falsehood or anything but still. Both times he hadn’t meant to say it, he had meant it but he certainly didn’t want to tell Dan. Dan had said himself that he wanted to be friends. They were friends now, really good friends but Phil would most likely ruin it if he kept on talking like that. Phil sighed when he put on his clothes and hoped Dan had already forgotten what he had said when he came back. When he came back Phil couldn’t know for sure that Dan had forgotten it but he had the relief of not being asked about it, for Dan was already asleep. He looked really cute in that jumper of his. It was a bit too large to him and right now it looked a bit like he was drowning in it, only his nose and the closed eyes peaking up from underneath the jumper. Dan was leaning against the headboard in an uncomfortable way.   
Phil quickly hung up his towel over one of the wobbly chairs and put the other things carelessly onto his bed. Then he went over to Dan. He firstly pulled out the bedsheet underneath him. Then he picked Dan up and carefully put him into a lying position. Then he spread the blanket over him. Dan mumbled something in his sleep but Phil couldn’t understand what. He carefully but quickly pushed through Dan’s hair, having died to see what it felt like all curly. Dan’s hair was really soft but Phil resisted the urge to keep pushing his hand through it for the fear of waking Dan and crossing a line.   
Phil quietly switched off the light and went over to his bed. He lay there with the perfect view on Dan. Dan looked cute when he was sleeping. Not as cute as he looked when he was smiling, for he had an incredibly cute dimple on one side of his cheek, but he looked incredibly good when he was sleeping. The image was slowly making Phil tired as well. He fell asleep with the sad thought that tomorrow would be the last full day he would be able to spend with Dan.   
The next morning Phil was woken up by no one less than Dan who had once again ran into some piece of furniture. Phil was used to being the clumsiest around so this was a welcome change for him. He opened his eyes to find Dan looking at him, checking if he was still sleeping. When he saw Phil’s open eyes Dan jumped and hit his knee against the table.  
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I truly didn’t. I have just taken a shower and now I wanted to put my towel away… I’m sorry.”   
“No one can understand a clumsy person better than me.” Phil said between yawns.   
“Thanks.” Dan said.  
“For what?” Phil asked and sat up.  
“For understanding and for putting me to bed.” Dan said and smiled.  
“You looked a bit uncomfortable so I helped out.” Phil said nervously, he couldn’t quite believe that Dan wasn’t angry with him.   
“Thanks.” Dan said again. Then he sat down on his bed and took his phone. He opened something, read a bit and started laughing. Phil’s blood froze. He hadn’t once thought that Dan was most likely already in a relationship. He certainly could have anyone. Phil’s mood went down while he dressed himself. Still, no matter how grumpy he felt he could not resist smiling back at Dan when he asked him if they wanted to have breakfast now. They walked down the stairs just as PJ joined them.  
“Would you believeth me if I foretold you that the weather was bad?” PJ greeted them.  
“I would for I have looked out of the window too my friend.” Dan answered and rolled his eyes at Phil.   
“Does he still have that tick of speaking like Shakespeare whenever he read some?” Phil asked Dan.  
“He does. Oh I so hoped it would only be a phase but if you say he has always done it…” Dan groaned and Phil sympathetically patted his back.  
“Oi, you two. I am still here.” PJ said and laughed. “What I wanted to tell you, before I tell the others is that today we are still going to have that cross-country parkour-y thing even if it does rain, Daniel Howell but afterwards we will simply have lunch and then the afternoon will be free.”   
“Sounds nice but you won’t get me out of the house today.” Dan said and crossed his arms. Phil was about to agree, for Dan’s sake, as he had gotten terribly wet yesterday but he stopped himself because PJ said: “Oh, you will go out, nobody is to be excused.” PJ sounded awfully happy while saying so. Dan groaned but it looked like he had already accepted his fate.  
When PJ announced what they would be doing a mixed response came from the pupils. Most of them did not like the idea of running out in the rain too much but the free afternoon and the promise of pie for lunch was enough to make all of them go outside at least relatively voluntarily.   
Outside Mrs Carter explained that the parkour would be done in teams of two and that there would be a price for the quickest. PJ quickly told Dan and Phil that he had the important job of standing under an umbrella and looking that no one broke any of the two rules: the first being follow the parkour and the second injure no one. Dan and Phil had a silent understanding that they would be teammates. They were obviously not going to win but they would have fun nevertheless.   
In the end they came second to last but that did not stop them from behaving like winners. PJ played along and they had a lovely time eating homemade pies until Dan started sneezing violently. PJ had promised to go to town with the winners of the parkour so Phil had to do all the caring alone and he enjoyed it. He ushered Dan into their room. He quickly prepared the room in the same procedure as he had done the day before. Then he sent Dan for a shower and got him a hot tea from the kitchen. He then tidied the room, remembering Dan’s obsession with symmetricity. Then he made Dan’s bed, set up his own computer and waited for Dan to return.   
After a few minutes Dan came back and blushed as he saw what Phil had done for him. “You shouldn’t have.” Dan mumbled while he quickly ranged his things. He sneezed a few times and Phil quickly made him sit down in his bed and put the blanket about him.   
“I like taking care.” Phil said simply.  
“So I noticed.” Dan said, smiled shortly and had a coughing fit.   
“Would you care to watch some films? I have taken a few not knowing how I would spend the time PJ hadn’t planned.” Phil asked shyly.  
“Yes please, what did you take?” Dan asked.   
“Well… Kill Bill for instance.” Phil said.   
“Sounds great.” Dan said and smiled weakly. Phil hurried with putting up the computer so that Dan could enjoy one of the best films ever made still being awake.  
“You are not going to sit on that chair, are you?” Dan asked bewildered.   
“No?” Phil asked.  
“Come here, if you would. I will take care not to sneeze on you like stupid peasants do on public transport.” Dan said quickly, visibly trying to hide his embarrassment so Phil simply got up and sat down next to Dan.   
“Your hair…” he started to break the tension but Dan interrupted him: “I will not have you tell me my curls look ridiculous and if you dare call me a Hobbit I’ll make sure PJ takes revenge on you because I’m an invalid.”  
“So I see, otherwise you couldn’t possibly think I was going to make fun of you, would you?” Phil asked and knew his smile couldn’t be described in any other way than affectionate.   
“Let’s watch the film.” Dan said and fell asleep against Phil’s shoulder within five minutes of watching the film. Phil couldn’t even complain about that it felt lovely to have Dan trusting him in that way. After about half of the film Dan slid down Phil’s arms and landed in his lap. They spend the rest of the film and the entirety of the credits like this without Phil moving a muscle, Dan shifted every now and then but Phil didn’t dare to move for the fear of waking him. When the music of the credits had stopped Phil looked down on Dan for a long time, drinking up his entire beauty. He noticed that Dan’s cheeks were a little glossy and red, he hoped the illness wouldn’t be too bad, perhaps that was egoistic but Phil really did not want Dan to be brought home. Phil knew that Dan probably needed nothing more than rest and warmth so he pulled the blanket closer around Dan and “accidently” pushed his hand through the soft hair of his. Dan hummed contently so Phil slowly and carefully continued. He only stopped when he himself fell asleep about an hour later.


	24. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

The perspective Dan woke up to certainly could have been worse. He first did not know where exactly he was so he shifted a little and looked around. The small room with its wobbly furniture seemed instantly familiar to him, he had learned to love this room over the last few days. Still Dan couldn’t mark out just fine where he was. He was lying on his bed that was for granted. Dan shifted a little bit more and suddenly heard a little noise. He looked up and saw Phil’s sleeping face, resting uncomfortably against the white wall. Dan blushed and couldn’t stop looking. He was also suddenly very aware that he was lying on or rather in Phil’s lap. That was why everything felt so comfortable and warm. Now that Dan knew what he was lying on he did not dare to move. Phil looked very peaceful when he slept and Dan wouldn’t be the one to wake him like he already did twice on this trip. He lay as still as he could and enjoyed the situation.   
Everything could have gone on like this for at least an hour (those were big words to speak for Dan for he hardly had any feeling of time lying where he was) if PJ wouldn’t have stormed inside.   
“Dan?” PJ shouted. Dan quickly sat up. Somehow a bit of dust got stuck in his nose and he sneezed a few times. Phil had already been woken up by PJ but now he was fully awake. Now that Dan was sneezing violently he put a comforting hand on the small of Dan’s back.   
“Yes?” Dan asked after he had calmed down a bit.  
“Simply checking how you were, they said you should rest a lot.” PJ said and was visibly uncomfortable to have disturbed something.   
“I was doing so just before you burst into this room.” Dan said and forbid any uneasiness to enter his voice he wouldn’t show PJ how he felt in front of Phil. Things like that had to be discussed in private without any eavesdropping from anyone.   
“Yeah, okay. Just remember to rest, okay?” PJ asked and a smirk spread over his face.  
“Yes, mum.” Dan said sarcastically.  
“I think I preferred dude and mate after all.” PJ said and frowned.  
“Get lost mate.” Dan shouted laughingly.  
“Alright.”   
“Good night dude!” Dan called after him when PJ had closed the door, he heard a grunt from outside, followed by a squeak and some mean laughter. Dan shook his head and smiled. He turned around to see Phil laughing quietly. Dan joined in until he had to cough. When Phil heard him cough he immediately stopped laughing and looked rather anxiously at Dan, obviously not sure how he could help him. Dan hated himself for destroying the easy atmosphere but he couldn’t really finish that thought because his mind was completely occupied coughing and not thinking too much about the warm hand that was rubbing soothing circles all over Dan’s back.   
“Are you quite alright?” Phil asked after the worst was over.  
“A few minutes ago I certainly was.” Dan said weakly.   
“Should I leave you to sleep?” Phil asked carefully.  
“No!” Dan answered quickly, a tad too quickly. Phil raised an eyebrow at him. “I mean I know I have to rest and stuff but… that doesn’t mean you have to leave.” Dan mumbled, blushing a deep crimson.   
“I will stay if you truly want me to.” Phil said softly. Dan smiled at him in relief. “How should we be doing it then? Where should I lie?” Phil asked and looked around. Dan shrugged and followed Phil’s gaze. “You should first of all get your blanket.” Dan said and laughed.  
“Good point.” Phil said and got up. Immediately as he left a layer of goose bumps appeared on Dan’s whole body. Even though Phil certainly wasn’t away for long Dan already shivered when he came back.   
“Oh dear.” Phil said surprised and quickly went over to Dan’s wardrobe and pulled out a jumper. He helped him put it on and looked at him afterwards. “Better?” Phil asked. “Slightly.” Dan answered still feeling absurdly cold.   
“Okay,” Phil said standing in front of Dan’s bed. “I will quickly get changed, even though it certainly isn’t that late yet. You lie down as far back as you can and I will join you in a second.” Phil said and even though he quickly turned around Dan was able to see a faint blush on his cheeks. It did not take Phil long too dress himself in his pyjamas so he quickly joined Dan.   
“Your shirt!” Dan said quietly realising that it had a lot of Pokeballs on it, in different styles.  
“Yes?” Phil asked anxiously.  
“No, I love Pokemon, it’s only. You’re wearing colour.” Dan said and buried his face in his hands realising just how weird he must have sounded. Phil looked down on himself and seemed to only notice the colour then. “Yes.” he said but managed to make it sound like a question. “Martyn gave it to me a few days ago. He knows I’m a geek and I guess he is simply the best brother in the world.”  
“It looks a bit like it.” Dan agreed. “But I feel like no one could beat Adrian.” he added both loyally and proudly.  
“Why is that?” Phil asked curiously. Phil carefully sat down next to him. Dan and Phil were awfully close together now and it took all of Dan’s force of mind to keep himself from snuggling into Phil.   
“He punched someone who… had made a nasty remark… to protect me.” Dan said vaguely, he certainly didn’t want to ruin the platonic moment him and Phil just had with telling him that he was gay.   
“Nice.” Phil answered and smiled.   
“That’s why I have been in detention the first time and well why I have been for the whole week, if you remember.” Dan said.  
Phil laughed gently. “Of course I remember I also remember just what you have said to Mr Jefferson.”  
A cold shiver ran down Dan’s spine. Of course. He had already been outed in detention to a number of people. He always forgot who he had been outed to and who most likely still thought him to be straight, he simply lost count. It still was quite a shock to remember that Phil knew about his sexuality, perhaps he had sensed Dan’s attraction to him.   
“Quite a relief to hear an equal minded person.” Phil said calmly and watched Dan’s face closely as the later slowly realised what he had said. Dan’s eyes widened and he looked at Phil without saying anything. Phil laughed softly which made several pleasant shivers run down Dan’s spine and the hairs on his arms stand up. Phil sighed. “May I do something?” he asked and smiled reassuringly. Dan simply nodded and the next thing he knew was that two strong arms went about him and hold him tight. Dan gave his best to convince his body that he was having nothing but platonic feelings for Phil. Phil surely felt that way. There was no way Dan was going to let himself hope for something which would surely only make him crush down onto earth once he realised it wasn’t all as good as he had wanted it to be.  
Dan was quickly warming up in Phil’s embrace and he even dared to snuggle a bit closer to him. “That’s better.” he said with closed eyes. He somehow knew that Phil was smiling as well which only deepened his own. They lay like that for a good amount of time. Phil slowly started massaging Dan’s back. His hands wandered down ever so slightly at times which already made his breath hitch and once again he hated his body for it.   
Now however the hands were not stopping like they used to before but continued a bit further down and gently lay down on Dan’s bare back. Dan’s breath hitched again this time a bit too violently which resulted in Dan having hiccups. They started off gently but got worse the more Dan tried to supress them. Eventually Phil let go off Dan and mustered him with a broad smile.  
“You wanna hear a trick about curing hiccups?” Phil asked.  
“Ye… hicks … yes.” Dan answered.  
“You have to put your fingers into your ears and hum a note.” Phil said in a voice of someone telling a great secret.  
“I had alrea… hicks … dy wondered what you were doing!” Dan said and started laughing.  
“I knew there had been someone! You must have thought me mad! And not saying anything…” Phil groaned and started tickling Dan. Somehow this was also a great cure for hiccups. Soon Dan was no longer hiccupping but laughing uncontrollably.  
“Stop!” he gasped. “You are bullying me!” Dan said and laughed. Phil stopped instantly and looked at him apologetically.   
“I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. I’m sorry.” Phil said and sounded disappointed of himself.   
“It’s alright, Phil. It was meant to be a joke.” Dan said, in his own way shocked. Was the word “bullying” really such a trigger for Phil? Dan decided to never use it in any way referring to him again.   
“Oh… Okay.” Phil said and blushed. Dan nearly sighed because his cuteness was too much. “Are you warm now or should I…?” Phil asked.  
“You should.” Dan answered and blushed. Luckily it was slowly turning dark outside so the whole effect Phil had on him was no longer plainly visible to read on Dan’s face. Phil smiled softly and carefully put his arms around Dan after tightening the blanket around him.   
“This is not weird.” Dan told himself out loud.  
“Not a bit.” Phil answered and Dan pressed himself a bit closer to him, he would make his morning-self deal with the consequences of his behaviour for now he was content to be with Phil and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos if you feel like it! <3 ;) Have a nice rest of the week! :D


	25. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! An early morning chapter! I hope you enjoy! <3

PHIL’S POV

Phil wouldn’t have thought it possible but when he woke up the next morning he was actually still holding Dan, tightly. Phil blushed immediately, feeling a little guilty to have taken advantage of Dan’s ill self. Dan did snuggle closer to him yesterday evening but that didn’t mean he would have wanted to do that when he was in his right senses. Phil sighed a little. A bit of air was blown over Dan’s neck in that process, immediately goose bumps seemed to appear everywhere on Dan’s body and he even sighed a little in his sleep. Phil smiled, evidently having found a weak spot of Dan’s.   
In the end Phil decided to lie where he was until Dan woke up if he would be making any sort of a shocked remark he would quickly talk about how Dan was feeling, illness vice. Phil also concluded that there would be no use of stressing himself now, it would be better to relax and enjoy the probably last peaceful moments he could spend with Dan like this. Phil supressed as sigh, he wouldn’t want to wake Dan at any cost, but he had just realised that he was actually addicted to Dan. He nearly didn’t care for any other person on earth (except perhaps his family, PJ and Mrs Carter) and he needed Dan’s laughter and from now on possibly also Dan’s warmth.   
“I really like you Dan, a lot.” Phil whispered as quietly as possible. Then he pulled Dan close to him and took a deep breath. He was already too far gone as that he could have hoped to ever forget Dan’s smell but he took this opportunity shamelessly.   
Even though Phil had normally never been one to wake up early, let alone be actually awake then. Still he was able to spend 50 lovely minutes close to Dan before his own idiotic alarm clock went off. He knew he couldn’t succeed in putting that off and still not waking Dan, as he had to untangle himself from him but it was worth a shot and on top of that he really couldn’t stand the sound his alarm clock made. As gently as he could Phil freed himself from Dan and ran over to his alarm clock and violently pressed the button. Everything was quiet again except that Dan made waking up noises in his bed. He stretched and slowly opened his eyes, which directly found Phil.   
“Good Morning.” Phil said and smiled.   
“Morning.” Dan mumbled and stretched his arms over his head so that his shirt rode up and revealed some soft skin. “You’re bed doesn’t seem slept-in.” Dan said as he sat up. Phil blushed and looked away, had he really forgotten that Phil had been sleeping next to him? Well, if he had he would support him in that thought, perhaps that would be easier.  
“Oh. Your blanket it here. Oh! So it wasn’t just a dream!” Dan called and as Phil turned around he saw him smiling apologetically. Phil didn’t mind. For him it was already enough to know that Dan evidently did not find anything too weird about himself dreaming about Phil, perhaps he had not been doing that for the first time, a pleasant shiver ran down Phil’s spine.   
“Sorry that I woke you. Are you feeling better yet?” Phil asked carefully.  
“That’s alright. I slept really well and I think I’m feeling better. Should still put some warm things on even though we’ll be sitting in a bus all day.” Dan said. Phil froze but tried to let Dan not see. They would be going home today. The wonderful week Phil had actually dreaded in the beginning had come to an end.   
“Why are you looking like that?” Dan asked and sounded a little sad himself.  
“It’s only… the week is over now, isn’t it? This is over.” Phil said and vaguely gestured through the room.   
“It doesn’t have to be. We will still be … friends right?” Dan asked a little taken aback, going into defence mode.  
“Of course.” Phil answered quickly. “Never doubt that! But this week is over nevertheless.”  
“It is.” Dan said sadly. “What do you reckon there will be for breakfast?” he asked a few seconds later. His voice had all changed it was giddy and excited now.  
“I don’t know.” Phil shrugged and smiled.  
“I think I heard PJ say that this hotel always makes pancakes for a group’s last day.” Dan said excitedly.   
“What are you talking about? It better be something interesting the way Dan hops on his bed and the way you smile, tell me.” PJ had once again come into the room without any of them noticing right away. Both Dan and Phil jumped a little and turned around to him.  
“Will there be pancakes?” Dan asked PJ trying to calm himself.  
“Seriously? That is what you are excited about?” he asked with a poker face then two seconds later his face lit up the same way Dan’s was glowing and he said: “There will! Now hurry or they might all be gone.”   
On their way to the dining hall they all laughed about their excitement for nothing else but food. It was a bit pathetic but PJ said solemnly that especially the small things in life matter. The way he said it and the fact that he was once again referring to food made Dan and Phil laugh even harder than they already were. When they reached the hall they were one of the first to be there. They quickly got themselves some plates and loaded some pancakes onto them, being a little egoistic but leaving approximately enough for the others.   
When PJ had finished his third nearly everyone was having their breakfast as well. He got up and cleared his throat. “Today is the last day we shall be dining together. Therefore I ask you to clean away all your belongings and be ready for the long journey home.” Nobody meanly laughed at PJ, he was all in all respected by everyone but there were a lot that were giggling a little, just like Dan and Phil. They looked at each other and said “Shakespeare.” at the same time.   
PJ sat down again and looked at them disapprovingly. “I shall not be maketh fun of.” he said seriously but something like that had no effect on Dan and Phil. They started laughing again and after a while PJ joined in. When he had finished his fourth and last pancake he ushered them up into their room to clean everything.   
Phil quickly finished his packing and was able to help Dan who seemed a bit disorientated. They laughed the whole way through packing Dan’s things. Phil could honestly say that he had never been happier in this past year than he had been in this one week.   
However on the journey home negative thoughts spread out in Phil’s brain. He was once again sitting alone and he was fine with that in general but seeing Dan being happy with PJ was nice on one hand but on the other hand Phil felt like he had no place in their friendship. Phil was intruding something he had no right to. Dan had said he wanted to be friends with him and they were friends right now but perhaps he had done that because he felt obliged. Perhaps he had done that because he knew about the crush Phil had on him, PJ might have told him and with saying he wanted to be friends he was pushing Phil back behind borders. Perhaps he was even afraid of him because Phil used to be a bully and perhaps that was why he had let Phil cuddle him because he had feared that Phil might hurt him otherwise. Had Phil abused Dan in any way? Had Dan shown him that he wanted him to back off? He had certainly done so the day PJ had gotten injured, the day Phil had already laid his feelings open before Dan saying it could have been him that got injured, the day Dan obviously had told him perhaps not in the exact same words but that he didn’t want to have anything to do with Phil. That might have been the sign Phil had been too blind to see.   
The one thing Phil wanted to be able to do was to leave his body and his thoughts far behind him. He used to never have too dark thoughts, he used to be able to look on the bright side of things but evidently that time had passed. He also used to be the one people turned to when they had thoughts like he just had but now the tables had turned and he was in bitter need of help.   
Phil starred out of the window desperately trying to distract himself. It seemed to work for a bit, he even got sleepy but when he woke up again he knew that he shouldn’t have fallen asleep. He dreamed dark and idiotic stuff that only seems possible in a desperate dream. He dreamed to be laughed at, he dreamed to be pushed away, he dreamed to be beaten up for what he did to Dan. He dreamed that Dan himself was talking coldly accusing him of things and in the dream Phil had done all these things. Phil was sweating when he woke up. A gentle hand had shaken him slightly and a worried voice called his name.


	26. DAN'S POV

DAN’S POV

Dan could always have fun with PJ. PJ was the best friend he had had in ages and yet he felt like something was missing when he sat there next to him on the bus chatting away about things and most of all reflecting what had happened during the week.   
“What is there between you and Phil now?” PJ asked excitedly after checking no one was listening to them.   
“Friendship.” Dan said mildly bitter.   
“Yeah.” PJ said and Dan knew he did not believe him. What else should he have said then? Should he have said unreturned love which came from him and was completely bad? Should he have said usually non-platonic but now apparently platonic cuddling? All he could have said that gave justice to Phil’s behaviour towards him was nothing else but “Friendship.”.  
“It is, from his side.” Dan mumbled.  
“Oh darling.” PJ said affectionately.   
“Watch it! I won’t have you treat me like you’re my grandma.” Dan said earnestly but laughed.  
“But that is an awful situation.” PJ said sympathetically.  
“You tell me.” Dan said and sighed.   
“Don’t be offended but when I came running into you it looked much less platonic than you make it seem like.” PJ said.   
“I said friendship. I’m not making anything seem like whatever.” Dan said and shook his head.  
“Okay, touché. But I think I can just about read your thoughts here.” PJ said. “You obviously want more. But what exactly makes you think he doesn’t?”   
“He is distant at times. He is lovely but I sometimes feel like he is holding me back. He wasn’t even happy when I asked whether we could be friends!” Dan complained.  
“Dan.” PJ said with a shocked expression.  
“What?” Dan spat.  
“Daniel!” PJ said loudly. He quickly dropped his voice again and checked that there was still nobody listening. “Have you ever thought that perhaps your talking about friendship could give him the idea you were the one setting borders?” PJ asked. He had no idea how spot on he was, PJ himself simply wanted to restore some faith in Dan because he was looking like someone who was about to give up hope. PJ knew that Phil had some proper feelings for Dan but it wouldn’t be fair to either of them to just blur that knowledge out.   
“Do you really think so?” Dan asked tiredly.  
“I do. Think about it. He might be keeping you at distance because he thinks it’s his duty or so to say your wish. He might be feeling something else than friendship. Has he ever initiated that the two of you would be fine simply being friends?” PJ asked.  
Dan thought for a bit and concluded out loud: “He hasn’t.”  
“See!” PJ said triumphantly.  
“What do you want to achieve by this?” Dan asked genuinely interested.  
“I won’t have you give up hope where there is plenty.” PJ said simply. He turned away with a knowing glance and Dan was left alone with his thoughts. Could PJ be right? It felt like Phil was enjoying his time too when they had been cuddling. Was he really just staying back to respect the borders Dan had set unintentionally? Dan sighed quietly and hid his face in his hands. When all he had wanted to do was to make the situation easier for both him and Phil he had went and made it the worst possible start to a relationship of any kind.   
After a few more minutes where Dan’s brain was full of accusations he couldn’t bare it any longer and stood up. PJ didn’t even turn around, he simply showed him thumbs-up and continued to read or whatever he was doing. Dan took a few deep breaths and made his way over to Phil. When he reached the seat he noticed that Phil was sleeping. It firstly looked just as cute as always but after a while Dan could see how stressed and uncomfortable Phil seemed to be. He was constantly moving around and a thin layer of sweat was to be seen on his forehead. Dan quickly sat down next to him and started shaking his arm gently.  
“Phil, wake up. You’re only dreaming.” Dan didn’t know what exactly Phil was dreaming about but he hope sincerely that this would help.   
“Phil!” Dan said a little louder. Phil’s eyes popped open and he stared at Dan in mild fear.  
“It’s me. Dan. Everything is fine. You dreamed.” Dan explained calmly and tried to smile reassuringly even though that was hard. At Phil’s not just shocked but scared expression nearly all hope had vanished from Dan and he nearly even wanted to get up again.   
“You…” Phil started breathing quickly.  
“I am here, next to you, on our way home from the school trip.” Dan explained patiently.  
“We’re not in a dungeon?” Phil asked timidly.   
“No. We are not.” Dan said and smiled. “What were you dreaming about?” Dan asked simply to help Phil focus a bit.  
“You.” Phil said breathlessly. Dan blushed but Phil didn’t look at him and continued: “It was nasty.”   
“Oh.” Dan said taken aback.   
“Not you but your voice was saying things. Stuff like I used you and treated you badly and stuff like that.” Phil said exhaustedly. He had however started breathing a little slower.  
“To give your mind some rest, you didn’t use me.” Dan said firmly. Phil smiled thankfully over to him and yawned. “Would you like to go back to sleep?” Dan asked.   
“No.” Phil said and yawned. Dan raised an eyebrow and looked at him scolding. “Only when you promise to stay and wake me if you think I’m dreaming bad stuff again.” Phil said and Dan admired him that he could say something like that without blushing or without his voice giving anything away.  
“I will.” Dan said and smiled.  
“Thanks.” Phil said sleepily, smiled weakly, closed his eyes and softly drifted back to sleep. Dan stayed next to him the whole journey back. Phil did move around sometimes but Dan quickly discovered that he calmed down whenever he took his hand. In the end he didn’t even let go and simply waited for the bus to arrive. Dan would be happy to see his family again but he would be more than simply sad to leave this amazing week behind.   
Phil was woken up by the unmerciful bus driver who practically shouted into his microphone to announce that they would be there in about ten minutes. He sat up and looked around. He smiled a bit confused when he saw Dan sitting next to him and blushed when he saw that they were holding hands, Dan wanted to pull away in fear of making Phil feel uncomfortable but Phil caught his hand and squeezed it a couple of times.   
They did tear apart from each other when another unmerciful announcement came through the bus saying that they would be there any second and that anyone who left any trash behind would be skinned alive. PJ apparently didn’t hear that last part because he began cheering loudly for the bus driver, Dan and Phil joined in and slowly the whole bus sang and cheered along.  
“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you can sing?” the bus driver asked and added sarcastically “Wonder why.”   
Dan got up and walked over to his seat to gather his belongings and for god’s sake to not leave any trash behind. PJ looked at him curiously while he was doing so. Dan hoped he had the decency not to ask while they were still in the bus but no luck there.   
“And?” PJ practically shouted.  
“Nothing new.” Dan said and smiled pained.   
“Why in God’s name not?” PJ sounded genuinely disappointed.  
“He dreamed badly I soothed him and then he slept some more.” Dan explained briefly.  
“Why would he be doing that?” PJ asked.  
“I don’t know, ask him.” Dan groaned.  
“Alright, Ph…” PJ started but Dan had already flung himself on PJ and was now pressing his hand on his mouth. “That was a joke.” Dan hissed.   
“I nou.” PJ answered. Dan let go of him and PJ started laughing. “You must be pretty serious if this already makes you react like that.”   
Dan didn’t say anything in response. He simply got up and left the bus which had already stopped. He looked around and saw his mother waiting for him. It did need the mind of a genius to figure out she was actually waiting for him though, because she was talking animatedly to a women about her age. Dan shook his head and went to get his suitcase.   
“I do not believe that.” PJ said breathlessly next to him.  
“What is it now?” Dan asked and pulled his suitcase out of the pile of luggage.   
“You know who your mum is talking to?” PJ asked. Dan turned around and wanted to say he didn’t but Phil was faster: “My mum.” he said and smiled apologetically.   
“Oh.” was Dan’s clever response. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that PJ was mimicking a slow death but he didn’t pay any attention whatsoever to him until he announced: “I have some things for you two to do. Some review-y thing from the trip. I expect you tomorrow at noon.”   
“What?” Dan asked and turned around to him.  
“You heard me.” PJ said happily and dared to wink at Dan. “See you!” PJ called and left.  
Dan and Phil awkwardly made their way over to their mums and waited for them to finish their conversation.   
“Darling!” Dan’s mother shouted and hugged him tightly. “Sorry, we have to dash I have got dinner ready.” She called and pulled him towards their car. Dan bit his tongue to not say they wouldn’t have to hurry like that if she would have looked directly when he came out of the bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for today. The final chapter will be up on Wednesday! Leave comments and kudos if you feel like it! (I'M GOING TO SEE TATINOF TOMORROW! Too exciting not to tell!) Have a lovely day! :) <3


	27. PHIL'S POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of a story! <3 Leave some love to make everyone's day! ;) I enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed receiving your lovely comments! See you soon! <3

PHIL’S POV

The second time Phil woke up was way better than the first. He instantly knew where he was. The only thing that surprised him was that Dan was actually still or at all sitting next to him. Whenever Phil saw Dan a smile spread over his face and so it was doing right now. Phil was relieved to see Dan smiling back. The black thoughts still hadn’t quite disappeared but for now Phil could not be unhappy with Dan sitting next him. … With Dan sitting next to him AND holding his hand! Phil felt a blush creeping over his face. He sensed that Dan wanted to pull away but Phil wouldn’t have that and held the hand tight and squeezed a few times. Dan had voluntarily sat next to him. He would not start screaming if Phil was holding onto his hand for a little while longer.  
Sadly Dan left shortly after this to get his things. When the bus stopped Phil got up as well and left the bus. He quickly grabbed his things and looked around to see if he could find his mother. He could indeed. Just as always his mum was standing next to another women talking excitedly. Phil decided not to disturb them just yet but to wait for Dan and PJ.   
After PJ had helped drop the bomb that Dan and Phil’s mothers were talking to each other Dan and Phil made their way over to them. Dan quickly left and Phil was left with a widely grinning mother.  
“Is that him?” she asked excitedly.   
“Who?” Phil asked dumbfounded.   
“The one.” his mother said.  
“Not here.” Phil mumbled. “By the way. I have never spoken to you about him or anything!”   
“I need no telling, dear. I have eyes.” Phil blushed at his mother’s words and quickly walked over to their car. The journey back wasn’t as embarrassing as Phil had feared. His mother was being polite and understanding without asking too much. That was why it was actually quite good to talk something off his chest.   
“Time will show you whether you’re just friends.” his mother said reassuringly.   
Back home she luckily didn’t talk about that to anyone else. The evening was nice but uneventful. Phil quickly went to bed. That night he did not dream as bad as he had in the bus but it wasn’t completely relaxing either. He overslept on top of that and had to take a quick shower before he made his way over to PJ.   
When he knocked at the door PJ’s mum answered. “Hello, dear. Dan is already in PJ’s room. PJ is still busy in the bathroom.”   
Phil nodded understandingly and went up the stairs. His palms started sweating a little and he was out of breath when he reached PJ’s room. The door was open so Phil was spared the decision whether he should knock or not. He took a deep breath and said: “Hello!” as he walked inside.   
Dan spun around and a huge smile spread over his face when he saw Phil.   
“You look healthy.” Phil remarked.   
Dan frowned and laughed. “Thanks. You not so much. Didn’t you sleep well?” Dan asked.   
“No. I dreamed a little badly.” Phil admitted and looked around the room. At the same time where he said “Not much has changed here.” Dan asked: “Will you tell me what you dreamed about?”   
They looked at each other and laughed. Before Dan could ask about the dream once more, Phil said quickly: “It’s nice to have at least one friend again.”   
“Pardon?” Dan asked.  
“I…” Phil started. He did not want to talk about the dream because that could have involved him talking about what he felt for Dan. Now to stop that from happening he had chosen a topic where he had to explain how he felt like for Dan. Phil really was a genius.   
“Okay, Dan. I… No. First of all. Whatever happens I’m happy to be your friend.” Phil said and noticed horrified that Dan’s smile had turned a little icy. He quickly continued nevertheless, he had started now and he would finish it, the faster the better. “Thing is, no matter how glad I am to be able to call you a friend I don’t really want to.” Phil was a master in phrasing things the wrong way. “No. Listen. Remember the crap I told you the day PJ had the accident? I did mean what I said, everything. I had every reason to be happy that PJ got injured and not me.”   
“How dare y… What do you mean “not me”?” Dan asked, having started loudly but asking the second part shyly.  
“I mean it could have easily been me. Because I would have torn down anything saying something mean about you. Dan, I care for you!” Phil said and hated himself for sounding desperate.   
“You care for me?” Dan repeated quietly.  
“A lot. It was both hard but nice to literally be taking care of you on the trip.” Phil said and smiled. Dan blushed at the memory of this and started examining his shoes.   
“Please look at me.” Phil pleaded. Dan tentatively looked up and smiled. “I love your smile.” Phil confessed calmly but couldn’t quite hide the tremble in his voice.   
“I love yours.” Dan answered.   
“I love about everything about you.” Phil burst out. Dan starred at him slowly realising what he had said. “You can’t.” he stated quietly. “I do.” Phil said gently. “You don’t know anything about me.” Dan said. Phil hoped he wasn’t too forward in thinking Dan only said these things to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “I might not know facts but I feel like I know you. How you really are. And let me tell you: You are just about perfect.” Phil said. He couldn’t believe he was actually able to speak all these things out loud. He felt them exactly like he said them and that was a wonder itself. Phil had never been one to be able to express just about exactly what he was feeling. The other extraordinary thing however was that he was saying these things to Dan, in person!  
“I’m sorry to confront you with these things. Like I said, friends is fine.” Phil said after Dan hadn’t said anything for a while.  
“No.” Dan said quietly.   
“Sorry?” Phil asked carefully.   
“I don’t know how to phrase it. Would you care to explain me your bad dreams in the meantime?” Dan asked.  
“Okay. If you insist. Like I told you. I dreamed to be in a sort of dungeon, at least for a while and you were there accusing me of having said things about you to others and stuff. You weren’t really you, obviously not but the dream felt real, to a certain degree. I guess I had just been wound up thinking that I had crossed a line with being so close to you that you didn’t want me to that you were disgusted by my behaviour and that you would never want to see me again.” Phil could have gone on for a bit but Dan interrupted him: “Stop.”   
Phil looked questioningly at him and waited patiently for him to continue. “I hope you realise now that that’s all rubbish.” Dan said after a while.  
“All of it?” Phil asked.   
“Yes. As if anyone would get me into a dungeon.” Dan said and Phil laughed. “Right, I forgot your fear about moths and supposedly all the night animals.”   
“Very true, but I’m serious. Never believe stuff like that, please. I have been quite silly the way I tried to protect you.” Dan admitted.  
“Me?”  
“I wanted you to feel content around me so I started with that “friends” stuff. I thought anything else would scare you away.”   
“As if anything you did could scare me away.” Phil said. “You are just about as intimidating as a pink butterfly on a marshmallow.”   
“Oi!” Dan started.  
“So to say really cute.” Phil finished and watched with delight that Dan’s face turned red.   
“Three times.” Dan mumbled and Phil immediately understood.  
“And a thousand more if you will let me.”   
“Chances are high I will.” Dan said and smiled. Phil couldn’t resist any longer. He leaned into Dan and saw that Dan was already closing his eyes. Phil did not get to kiss Dan in that moment however because PJ suddenly screamed from just outside the room: “KISS OR I’LL RUN RIOT!”   
The next thing one could hear was a noise which sounded like somebody had hit his head into the wall. “Sorry.” PJ said and peeked around the corner. “I had already sensed that would be a little insensible.”   
“A little.” Dan agreed and rolled his eyes.   
PJ smiled apologetically before his eyes narrowed and he slowly walked over to Phil. “Happy?” he asked quietly. Phil exchanged a confused glance with Dan. “Happy?” PJ asked a little louder. Phil still couldn’t reply anything so PJ shouted: “How dare you be happy about my accident?” Then he fell down laughing. Phil smiled as well but then he realised something.  
“Since when have you been sitting in front of that door?” Phil asked.  
“A little while.” PJ answered vaguely. “It is my room after all.” PJ defended himself as Phil started to growl. “Alright but you two seriously didn’t believe that I was busy in the bathroom, did you?”   
“You wanted to spy on us the whole way through?” Dan asked shocked.   
“Alright, I admit it. But you wouldn’t have done anything else, would you? If you were in my positon? By the way, is there anything one could spy on?” PJ asked with a grin. Without hesitation Phil threw a pillow into his face. “Okay, I get it. I’ll give you ten more minutes. I do have some actual important review-y stuff.” PJ said and got up. He left the room quietly. Dan and Phil looked at each other and started laughing. Phil then quickly pulled Dan onto his lap. The later uttered a surprise noise and hid in Phil’s neck because of being embarrassed by it. Before Phil actually did anything he called: “Get lost, PJ!” The surprised noise and someone nearly falling down the stairs gave him justice. Dan laughed against his neck.   
“You are driving me mad. In the best way possible.” Phil said quietly and made Dan look at him. Dan blushed. “You’re cute.” Phil said and gently pressed his lips onto Dan’s.   
It felt like fireworks were exploding inside Phil. He pulled Dan closer to him and put his hands onto the small of his back. Dan quickly had his hands in Phil’s hair and Phil had to supress a sigh. He tore himself apart involuntarily and looked at Dan.   
“Have I told you that you’re cute?” Phil asked.  
Dan poked out a tongue at him. “Stop it or I can’t help falling for you.”   
“You’re cute.” Phil said and kissed Dan shortly.  
“You’re cute.” Phil said again and pressed a kiss to Dan’s kin.   
“You’re c…” Phil started but Dan interrupted him: “You are an idiot who has the advantage of looking far too good.” Then he took Phil’s face in his hands and kissed him. “You wouldn’t believe how long I have waited to do this.” Dan murmured and Phil felt the need to deepen the kiss.  
After approximately six and a half minutes PJ came storming back into the room declaring the ten minutes were over. He had the advantage of neither Dan nor Phil having any feeling for the time that passed. They say one hardly ever has when in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back again! ;) Only to "warn" you that I will be uploading an Adphant Calendar, starting today (obvs!). See you then! <3 :)


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